Being the Best Starts with Wanting to be the Best

Being the Best Starts with Wanting to be the Best

You guys ever see that movie, Nurse Betty?  If not, it’s a movie about a woman who essentially goes a bit crazy and believes herself to be a nurse.  Believe it or not (Well actually, I’m sure you’ll have no trouble believing it), today’s story concerns a woman who fits this general description quite well.

Nurse Lichtenstein has been working with Dr. Gerald Weiss as a registered nurse for some time.  Apparently, she’s been doing a relatively good job of it because her boss, Dr. Weiss, agreed to speak at a dinner given in her honor by the Connecticut Nursing Association where she was honored as being ‘Nurse of the Year for 2008.’

However, as you can tell from the opening here, things might not be quite as they seem.  To begin with, Nurse Lichtenstein was arrested earlier this year for trying to use a forged prescription to get her hands on 96 Oxycodone pills.  Then, a few months ago, a patient complained that his medication was injected too quickly and, for whatever reason, the police somehow got involved again shortly afterward.

When the police arrived at the Doctor’s office, they asked to see Nurse Lichtenstein’s license to practice as a registered nurse.  As you might guess, although I’m sure they looked and looked, no license was forthcoming.  As the story unravels further, it turns out that no such credentials exist, nor is there any such organization as the Connecticut Nursing Association.

It seems that Nurse Lichtenstein made up the whole thing and even paid for the dinner at which she had her boss speak.

So you see, we really do have a Nurse Betty here, and what do you suppose her first name is?  That’s right, it’s Betty… I sh*t you not…

Epilogue:

This is one scary-ass b*tch…

Source:

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local-beat/Nurse-Betty-Plays-Pretend-52626832.html

With This Season Pass, I Thee Wed

With This Season Pass, I Thee Wed

Remember that entry I had last month about the guy who loves cars?  I mean the guy who really loves cars.  Remember him?  Edward Smith?

Today -and you knew it had to happen- we get to explore his female analog.  That’s right, we have a story about a woman who is ‘in love’ with an inanimate object.  Don’t give me that look on your face.  You reacted the same way when I told you about Mr. Car-Copulation.

If you recall, my big tirade with him had to do with his taking an inanimate object, using it to facilitate sexual gratification, and then giving it the moniker of ‘being in love’ -as though no one had ever thought of getting off with a toy before.  We do indeed have a very similar situation here, but this case, being put forth by a woman, has what I would call a ‘feminine spin’.

33-year-old Amy Wolfe of Pennsylvania is in love with a roller-coaster -seriously…  You need a minute?  Ok, go ahead and catch your breath.  I know you just can’t wait for the details on this one.

Unlike Edward, who prefers many, many cars of all different types, Amy does not go around finding different amusement park rides with which to enjoy herself.  Nope.  She has naturally found THE ONE amusement park that is her TRUE LOVE.  I sh*t you not.  For Amy, there are no anonymous late night flings with lonely vehicles on the side of the road.

Here’s a direct quote from the source article:

“She enjoys a ’satisfying’ sexual relationship with a fairground ride – a ‘magic carpet’ themed ride named 1001 Nachts – and now plans to marry it.”

Once again… WTH does anyone mean by using the word MARRY here?!  The definition of ‘marry’ does not work in this context, whether Amy likes it or not.  She’s making up her own language and we may as well substitute the word ‘flufenstaker’ for ‘marry’!

Ok, I know she’s no more normal than Edward is except insofar as both of them would doubtlessly assert that they’re entitled to express their sexual desires in a way that works for them.  Ok fine but see how I didn’t need to use the words ‘love’ or ‘marry’ there?  That’s because no one would know WTH I was talking about if I did!

I’ve done my job by bringing your attention to this story so I’ll just end by once again noting that the biggest difference between these two jokers is the fact that she, as a woman, wants to have a lifelong monogamous relationship with the same roller coaster while he, as a man wants to keep all kinds of cars around him all the time and still poke a few strange ones in the tailpipe when no one’s looking.  Vive La Différence

Sources:

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Love_is_a_rollercoaster_for_woman_marrying_funfair_ride&in_article_id=710882&in_page_id=2

http://band1967.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!18221ED62041AF8B!774.entry

http://www.broadswordsnbunnies.co.uk/ny/d4/d48.jpg

Ballot Box, Bullet Box, Why Split Hairs?

So what do you think of democracy?  You know that whole ‘voting on your leaders thing’?  With all the choices to be made in the modern world, don’t you just wish a few of them could be taken off your plate?  Don’t you wish that someone could just tell you the country has a new leader without needing to do all of that research about ‘issues’?

No?  Why’s that?…  Because without democracy we would never be able to have the leaders we want?  Sounds good.  What about those cases where you’re outvoted?  Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to go to Denny’s but everyone else wanted some IHOP?  Back then you could hem and haw at Mom and Dad but all they could say was ‘well, we voted on it and that’s what we decided’.  It didn’t make you feel good, did it?  While you sat eating at IHOP all you could think about was that you weren’t at Denny’s and that’s what YOU wanted.

Would you say those were character-building experiences, or did they set the stage for an adult life where you could make decisions for yourself and get whatever you want whenever you want it?

I know I’m posing a lot of questions here but this is actually a good time to ask them.  The reason is that, in a public speech this past Wednesday,  Catherine Crabill, a current candidate for the Virginia Delegate, made an important statement about her feelings on democracy.  The general theme of the speech was to disagree with policies and decisions being put forth by the current presidential administration.  She’s clearly feeling very frustrated and is calling on the American people to act.  Specifically, she was quoted as saying,

“We have a chance to fight this battle at the ballot box before we have to resort to the bullet box,”

The implication here is that if the ballot box, which is specifically set up to capture the majority opinion of the American public, does not produce an opinion with which she agrees, her only recourse will be to reach for the bullet box -and presumably a nice gun to go along with it.

You might be thinking that this quote was taken out of context so let me fill in some of that for you.  During this speech, she also quoted Patrick Henry’s 1775 speech in which he said,

“The war is inevitable — and let it come. I repeat it, sir, let it come.”

In case you’re a little hazy on your American history, this speech was given in protest of a king and tyrant who was not chosen by the people over whom he was governing.  Catherine’s reference to this speech, and her selection of this particular line, is an implication that the American leader, selected by a democratic vote, is actually an oppressive usurper without a legitimate claim to the Office of U.S. President.

So what exactly is being said here?  Does Catherine really believe that her vote is the only one that counts?  Is Catherine making herself the tyrant here?  She certainly seems to be presuming to single-handedly decide on whether the ballot box is enough to determine who becomes the next leader of the U.S.  She is literally stating that if the ballot box does not provide her with her preferred leader, she has no choice but to reach for the bullet box.  If you really wanted to take this to its logical conclusion, she’s actually threatening to attempt assassination of the next president if it turns out not to be the one for whom she voted!

I’ve gone on long enough with this but let me just say that Catherine was asked by the media to clarify her comments yesterday.  While she did say that she didn’t actually want to see a violent revolution in this country, she went on to specify the following:

“Those are my convictions.  I am a full-blooded, freedom-loving American, and what we’re seeing in Washington is domestic terrorism at its worst.”

Freedom-loving?!  Whose freedom would that be exactly?  What if we still end up deciding on IHOP next time, Catherine?  Are you planning on gathering your posse and shooting up the place?  In any case, you might went to open a dictionary before throwing around words like ‘domestic terrorism’, ‘freedom’, ‘tyranny’, or ‘violent revolution’.

Silly-ass fool…

Source:

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Va-GOP-Candidate-If-We-Lose-More-Elections-Well-Still-Have-Guns.html

Lessons on Love and Psychological Sanity

OK, here’s one today about Love (note the capital ‘L’ there).  That’s right, that timeless and mysterious phenomenon reputed to have the ability to conquer all obstacles laid in its path.

Lamount Friend and Kristel Rider are in love.  Like Romeo and Juliet, they seem embroiled in a never-ending struggle against the Fates conspiring to keep them apart since the very inception of their attraction to each other.

Their story begins when Lamount was serving a 5 month sentence in prison for carrying a concealed weapon and assaulting a female.  Kristel was (is?) the psychologist assigned to him for the treatment of his anger management issues.  As the two began to work out Lamount’s issues, they found love blossoming between them.  Lamount began leaving romantic messages for Kristel and Kristel began voicing her appreciation for these messages.  Yes, in spite of all the prison rules and professional ethics forbidding it, the seed was sown and the flower began blooming; all the sweeter for its forbidden flavor, no doubt.

Finally, when Lamount was released from prison on April 3, Kristel made sure to give him her cell phone number and the two began feverishly enjoying their newly liberated affection for each other.

However… When the two got into an argument only a few weeks later on the 21st of April,  Kristel shot Lamount in the back; a shot which sent the bullet right through Lamount’s body, exiting through the chest after very nearly hitting his heart.  Lamount was taken to the hospital for treatment and was released 13 days later after recovering.

One would normally assume that the relationship was doomed at this point because A) Kristel would be sent to prison herself for attempted murder and/or B) Lamount would be inclined to fear for his life in her presence.

However… Kristel was not charged for the crime (although there’s no indication as to why not), and the two managed to reconcile once Lamount was released from the hospital.  Well, I guess that was a close one.  So, ‘happily ever after’ then?

Well, of course not.

On May 1, Kristel filed a restraining order against Lamount forcing him to go back to his grandmother’s house in front of which Kristel had originally shot him.

However…  Lamount violated the restraining order when Kristel came to visit him at his grandmother’s house and then convinced him to come back with her to her apartment.  (She begs him to move in and He violated the order?)   Ok, that has to be it then, right?  They’re finally ready to settle down and knock off the shenanigans… as it were…

Mmmm… not yet…

On June 17th, Kristel had Lamount arrested for violating the May 1st restraining order against him and for assaulting her by shoving her and putting his hands around her neck…

Lamount’s appearance in court was scheduled for this past Monday where he could potentially have been facing 300 days in prison for violating the restraining order in addition to past convictions.

However…  when Lamount and his lawyer got to the courthouse they were told, without any explanation, that the case had been dismissed.  SHOCKING!

Perhaps the DA noted some difficulties with this case.  I mean, with Lamount having been shot, her not having been charged, and her begging him to move in… well there might be a few dropped balls bouncing around on this one.  It’s a guess, I know.  It might be a shot in the dark but I thought I would take a stab at it.

So anyway, here today, we get to see another wonderful example of being ‘Felony Stupid’.  Thank goodness for all that advanced training required of psychologists, right?  Where would the world be without it?

Sources:

http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1615110.html

http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1613795.html

http://www.geekologie.com/2007/09/25/bullet-rose.jpg

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave…. -When No One Checks…

It never ceases to amaze me how random events can come together to create something truly extraordinary.  Sometimes you can’t help but understand why people might see evidence of ‘intelligent design’ in a world where you have random things that combine to form just the most amazing events.

Today my friends, we have just such a ‘you dropped your chocolate in my peanut butter’ moment.  Ready for this?

Yesterday, the St. Petersburg Times in Florida ran an article in the Sunday paper about a reporter and his photographer who decided they wanted to do a story on how the local panhandlers managed to get by from day to day.  While they were hanging out under a local bridge talking to the homeless who were hanging out there, an SUV pulled up to ‘Tracy’, one of the homeless women, to talk to her.

The woman in the SUV, Helene Fix, had seen Tracy exhibiting a sign a couple of weeks earlier.  The sign said ‘Homeless with children.  Anything will work.’  Helene was saddened by the prospect of children being involved and stopped to talk with Tracy.  Tracy told her that she had 3 children, one of whom had cerebral palsy, and they all lived together in the woods in a camp/community of homeless people.

Inspired by this story, Helene gave Tracy some money and told her she would be back to help her and her kids get into a better situation for themselves.  On the day when our reporters decided to take a look around, Helene happened to return to let Tracy know that (without verifying a stitch of Tracy’s story) she had mustered a variety of community resources and individuals in an effort to secure an apartment for Tracy and her kids.  That being the case, she had now arrived to pick up Tracy, get her kids from the woods, and bring them to their new apartment where Helene had arranged an elaborate welcoming committee and reception.

However…  With the reporters lucky enough to be looking on and capturing every word, Tracy said she was unwilling to reveal the location of the camp where her kids had been left.  She begged to be able to go and see the apartment first and then go back and get her kids to bring them there.  So Helene agrees, brings Tracy to the apartment where she enjoys the celebration, praise, and food, and at the end of the evening, Helene insists once again on going to pick up the kids.  Tracy refuses again saying that she’ll be back with them in a few hours.

Well, Helene waited for a few hours, then a few more.  Tracy did not return that night nor the next, nor any night thereafter.  Helene did manage to find Tracy again some days later (sans kids) to let her know that the apartment was still there when she and her kids were ready to move in.  Tracy, however, told her they were still interested but her child with the CP was now in the hospital and the other children were there with her to watch over her.

So what’s the moral of the story?…  Well, if you haven’t figured that one out, let me just tell you this:  I have an orphanage on Mars that is in dire need of your donations.  Brother can ya spare a dime?

Source:

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article1019410.ece?71

While Strolling Through The Park One Day

Honestly, sometimes I just don’t know what this world is coming to.  Every day in the news brings a new boundary that’s been crossed; a new taboo that’s been breached; a new convention that has been trampled underfoot.

In Sweden last week a 50 year old man was innocently riding his bike through the park when he was horribly and disgustingly violated.  As he was enjoying his bike ride, someone grabbed the basket on the back and pulled the bike to the ground.  Turning to see who might have done such a thing he realized that it was a ruffian gang of women sporting tattoos.

These women proceeded to hold him down on the ground, remove his pants and underwear and then sexually molest him.  After having had their way with him, the women then quickly ran off leaving the man unable to pursue.  As of this writing they remain at large, doubtlessly lying in wait for their next unsuspecting victim.

Back in my day, I remember when being sexually assaulted by a gang of women was the purview of adolescent boys who might look at their hands and let the imagination do the rest.  Well there were also a few magazines that explored this issue but it was only ever dealt with in literature.

Anyway, the victim provided the police with a description of his attackers featuring the 5′7″ woman with tattoos on her forearms who actually grabbed his basket first.  It is hoped that this information might be used help bring these ruthless and unmerciful succubi to justice.

Before anyone else gets hurt, it might be time to step in and take direct action on this.  Maybe I should start an organization of like-minded middle-aged men who might regularly patrol this park and act as lures to bring these women out of hiding.  It sounds like the perps have prefected their getaway technique but these men would simply need to understand that they might be repeatedly subjecting themselves to this degradation until these disgusting perverts are finally brought to justice.

I’m now accepting donations to begin founding this organization.  Please notify me if you’re interested.  Since the funds will be lacking at first, I might have to undertake this task alone for a while.  Please wish me godspeed.

Source:

http://www.thelocal.se/20694.html

A Family Fit for Dr. Bellows?

A Family Fit for Dr. Bellows?

Poltergeists are and have always been pretty much everywhere in human culture.  They’re always causing trouble of one kind or another and different people report varying degreees of harassment from these ‘naughty ghosts’.

Historically, the ways in which we, the earthbound, have dispelled these cute little irritants has varied from burning incense to having a medium conduct a seance.  I presume the methods tried are as diverse as the spirits themselves but they do tend to have one thing in common.  They usually focus on somehow communicating with the ‘metaphysical’ realm.

In Saudi Arabia this week, one family took a novel approach and decided to go in the other direction.  They believe that a genie is living in their house and has been harassing them through unusually mundane channels.  Their uninvited guest has reportedly been leaving threatening voicemail messages, causing cell phones to go missing, and has even resorted to throwing rocks at the family as it leaves the house in the evening.

Since this genie seems quite comfortable with using means that are native to the physical and modern world, the family has apparently decided to meet her/it on its own terms.  The family has decided to file a lawsuit in Shariah Court.

All things considered, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me.  Let’s face it, if entities as powerful as ‘big tobacco’ and Michael Jackson can be made to buckle under litigation, why bother to call on the likes of John Edwards to start?

In any case, the head of the Shariah Court, Sheikh Amr Al Salmi, has voiced his unwavering commitment to this lawsuit.  Although he admits it may not be easy to nail down the defendant, every member of the family is counting on him to make it happen.

In the meantime, the family has been taken in by a local charity while it awaits resolution on this matter.  There’s no word on whether the charity provided the family with episodes of ‘I Dream of Jeanie’ for their review so I’m including a picture of a particularly conspicuous bottle.  Theirs might not contain Barbara Eden but, with any luck, the bare midriff remains part of the standard uniform.

Source:

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/07/13/saudia.arabia.genie.suit/index.html

All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men…

All the King’s Horses and All the King’s Men…

This past Friday afternoon, in Port Angeles, Washington a woman shopping at Wal-mart  found herself dissatisfied with a purchase.  Reportedly, she took it up with a staff person in the store who was apparently reluctant to give her a refund.

The reticence of the retail rep reportedly angered the woman so much that she began arguing loudly, using profanity and aggressive language.  This behavior then caused other customers to ask our hero to keep it down since there might be children within listening distance of her tirade.

Ultimately, our hero did receive her refund but then waited in the parking lot for her fellow customers with whom she had argued.  Upon seeing the other customers, she proceeded to threaten them with a .22 caliber handgun she had kept in her car.

Now, here’s where my curiosity really steps in.  The nature of the argument over the refund, believe it or not, was over the fact that the woman had been sold the wrong kind of ammunition…   I sh*t you not.

While she was arguing so loundly with the clerk, do you suppose the customers who chose to intervene understood what the argument was about?  I’m not exactly the type to avoid excitement but if I’d happened to overhear a heated argument about someone failing to get their preferred caliber of ammunition, I’m not sure I would have chosen that particular moment to chime in.

Anyway, someone did ultimately call the police who managed to apprehend our hero as she was driving out of the parking lot.  In the end, Teresa Nadine Dumdie found herself arrested and booked on charges of 1st degree assault.

Oddly enough, the headline for the story does not read “Empty Dumdie Unloads on Walmart and Suffers Great Fall”

You may now make liberal use of the comments section to flame my piss-poor punnage.

Source:

http://www.peninsuladailynews.com/article/20090712/news/307129995

Damn My Eyes!

I don’t know where it came from…   I don’t know who it is…  I don’t even know why but, all I know is that I feel terribly… terribly… traumatized…

Perhaps We Can Work Wis Zis American After All!

Got these from the Reuters Oddly Enough Blog by Robert Basler.  This should certainly make for some interesting ‘Michele Time’ later in the evening…

New Heights in the Homeless Problem

 

New Heights in the Homeless Problem

 

 

You’ve probably already heard but in case you haven’t, God (specifically the Christian God) has been classified as homeless! 

 

This is pretty big news indeed when you consider that this was handed down by a court in Nebraska; a State in which the legislature prays each morning before its session.  You would think that a State government exhibiting that much religious faith would be a bit more respectful of the big guy but, on Tuesday, Douglas County District Court Judge, Marion Polk, formally stated that God did not have a listed address and could therefore not be contacted by the State.

 

If you want someone to blame for all of this, you can look to Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers.  He filed a lawsuit against God claiming that God is responsible for terroristic threats against his constituency, as well as all manner of human suffering throughout the world.  Since theoretically the U.S. Court system is available to serve all people, it became necessary to serve God with a summons.  That’s when all the trouble started. 

 

Apparently, the State wasn’t as chummy with the big G as they might have hoped because when the time came to prove they’d made contact, they couldn’t ante up.  The court ruled that it is incapable of serving the summons and must therefore dismiss the case.

 

True, it’s not the first time God was difficult to pin down.  Even as a baby, who would have thought to look for him in a manger?  King Herod went to a lot of trouble to find him, but then failed when God ran off to Egypt.  When the Romans finally did find God he was off praying in some garden.  I guess you could argue that God just prefers to be in hiding but then, which is worse, saying that he’s homeless or saying that he’s on the lam? 

 

Surely we don’t want people getting panicky over the lam of God…

 

Sources:

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27201871/

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fugitives

It Just Goes to Show…

Well, we’ve got a triple-header today! These are three seemingly unrelated stories that we can bring together to teach us one great big lesson on life! Are you excited? Boy, I am!

In Fort Lauderdale, Florida last week, a lawsuit was filed against a strip club by one of its patrons. It seems Charles Privette was afflicted with a nose bleed, a headache, and a small cut to his eyebrow when a shoe came off during a stripper’s pole dance back in January. The shoe broke the mirrored ceiling above Charles causing fragments of glass to come raining down on our hapless victim. The Pompano Beach club where the incident occurred is aptly named The Booby Trap… No really, that’s what it’s called…

Charles feels he’s entitled to at least $15,000 for all the excitement.

In Saginaw County, Michigan this past Thursday, a man was arrested at 6:45 in the morning for going to the local car wash and servicing himself with a vacuum cleaner. There’s no mention of whether he brought a car with him.

And finally…

In Morgan, Utah last month, police spotted a guy in a golf cart spinning out in a local park. When police attempted to detain him, he drove off and managed to elude the police by jumping irrigation ditches that the police cruisers couldn’t get across! It seems our hero’s golf cart had been refitted with a car engine and therefore had a little unexpected punch when it came time to skedaddle. However, he was arrested the following day at his grandmother’s house.

Well…. The ‘General Lee and Uncle Jesse’ it’s not, but we’ll give him an ‘A’ for effort…

So what have we learned here? If your strip club is too dangerous and your car wash is too public… Ah, I got nuthin’… See ya next time!

Sources:

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/ODD_STRIP_CLUB_INJURY?SITE=NCASH&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/ODD_VACUUM_SEX?SITE=NCASH&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/ODD_GOLF_CART_CHASE?SITE=NCASH&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

“But… But… That Leaves Only $13,825.00 a Month for Me!”

Times are tough! There’s no denying how difficult things are getting. With my investment portfolio looking the way it does, I’m worrying about whether I can afford to send my daughter to college at this point so, let me tell you, Starbucks has come off my list of morning stops –at least for the time being. Well, sometimes you have to make difficult sacrifices.

Take for example Peter Cammaleri. He lost an appeal this week to an order issued by the Superior Court in Somerville, NJ which said that he wasn’t allowed to have his child support payments reduced, even after losing his job and being treated for depression! Seems a bit insensitive doesn’t it? That’s what happened though. Judge Julie Marino denied the original request and Judge Robert Reed later upheld that decision.

You can read the details in the story itself but, apparently this was related to the amount of Peter’s income –which has been going down. Peter was an equities trader making between $400,000 and $700,000 annually between 2002 and 2006. However, in June of 2007, he was laid off from his job, at which time he began receiving disability payments for depression and chronic anxiety. These payments have been only $17,525 a month, or around $210, 000 annually. Well, it was at this point that Peter decided that the $3,700 he was paying in child support every month had become an unreasonable burden.

Unfortunately however, his therapist believes that he’ll be employable after some treatment so the court stated that Peter isn’t eligible for the reduction. At some point his half a million a year income is expected to make a comeback and he can return to his old quality of life. Well, that’s some comfort I suppose. Who can imagine Peter’s situation going on indefinitely?! In the meantime however, he’ll be making due with only $13,825 per month. I guess we’ll be temporarily switching to Dunkin’ Donuts together.

See you all in the coffee line!

Source:

http://www.mycentraljersey.com/article/20081018/NEWS/810180327

Hmm… How should I title this entry?…

 

Ok, sorry for the time off folks. I know it’s been a while so let’s jump right in, shall we?

This week, we had an interesting incident involving a fast-food restaurant patron and two police patrol cars. I know what you’re thinking and you’re right; criminal activity, a high speed chase, and our old friend alcohol were all involved.

Let me give you a second to pre-formulate the story in your head before I continue….

[do de do de do de do]

Got it? Ok, here’s what actually happened.

At 2:30 in the morning on Saturday the 22^nd, county police got a call from a local fast food restaurant saying that a marked State Trooper car was using lights and siren to pull people over in the drive-thru lane of the restaurant. I sh*t you not.

It was in fact a State Trooper in the car and, since he was already going this far, he must have figured he should have an abductee –I mean perpetrator- to show for all his efforts, so he pulled one guy out of his car, forcibly of course, and stuck him in the back seat of the cruiser. I sh*t you not.

Well, when the local police arrived to question this bastion of public order, he got into his cruiser and took off, leading the local police on a high speed chase where he reached an estimated speed of 95 mph on residential streets –yes, scaring the bejesus out of the guy sitting in the back seat. I sh*t you not.

When the trooper was finally stopped, he showed the police his State Trooper ID and then proceeded to fail a sobriety test by having a blood-alcohol level of 0.2. That’s more than twice the legal limit. Once again, I sh*t you not.

Thankfully, this trooper was fired by noon on Monday and is now facing criminal charges. However, one final piece of information here is that our hero, Officer Bruce Wrzosek had been suspended earlier in the year after an incident that was never prosecuted (PROSECUTED?) but was returned to his post in October. Altogether now; I sh*t you not.

Didn’t Stephen King’s Desperation start out something like this? That does it, I’m changing the subtitle of this blog to –you guessed it- ‘I sh*t you not’

Source:

http://www.officer.com/web/online/Top-News-Stories/Maryland-Trooper-Fired-in-Bizarre-Drunken-Chase-Case/1$44725

 

What’s the Word? Skeevy?

OK, I’ve got a couple of stories here today that are actually freaking me out just little bit more than usual. In one sense, they’re not unique at all and you’ll see stories like this popping up once or twice a year. On the other hand… well, you’ll see.

The first story concerns a teacher who engaged in a love affair with her 15-year old student.

33-year old Catherine Armstrong is a private tutor in England who specializes in helping students with Dyslexia. After meeting her pupil 4 years ago through an internet advertisement, she proceeded to ‘fall in love’ with him and supposedly continues to love him to this day. She insists, of course, that the student was a willing participant in all the non-academic dalliances which took place at her home.

When asked about the affair, the student acknowledges that it took him a “stupidly long time” to realize that what they were doing was wrong. Additionally, (for whatever reason) the story states that he was a little frightened, thinking that the sexual interaction would be like the diagrams he had seen in the textbooks at school. (Textbooks? I’m pretty sure I’d put textbooks behind me by the time I had hit 15 –but read on.)

This love story actually starts when the 29-year old Catherine changed her student’s diaper for him. He wears diapers partly out of incontinence and partly because they make him feel safe -and he likes baby things.

Now, to be fair, he’s reported as showing symptoms of autism which (I suppose) explains his… behaviors… but… OMFG! What’s her deal?!

The second story is the all too familiar tragedy of a young child who discharges a firearm.

18 year old Nathan Beavers of Jackson, Ohio, along with a few other teenagers, was taking care of some young children inside a mobile home. Well, with several teenagers and several children running around inside a mobile home, they’re bound to bump into one another every now and then. Nathan, of course, was unfortunate enough to step on the foot of the wrong 4-year old who promptly took a shotgun out of a nearby closet and fired it at Nathan, injuring him and another of the teenagers.

That’s it, I’m done here for today. I feel like taking a shower but what would be the point?

Sources:

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?Tutor_had_sex_with_schoolboy_in_nappies&in_article_id=460332&in_page_id=34

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090106/ap_on_fe_st/odd_young_shooter;_ylt=ApqWvoPsO6yp71.CXUzINHjtiBIF

He Made It Seem Effortless

He Made It Seem Effortless

How far would you go to prove you’re crazy?

Um… Ok, well maybe that’s not the right question since trying to prove you’re crazy might not fit very well with the definition of being crazy. How about this: How far would a given person have to go to prove to you that he or she is crazy?

Now, I’m not talking about things like talking to yourself as you walk down the street, or wearing your underwear on your head. We might call people crazy over that kind of stuff, but I’m not sure we really mean it. I mean the kind of behavior that really shows, without a shadow of a doubt, that someone is completely bonkers.

Well, that threshold is surely different for each of us, so let me tell you about someone who will really make you think about this question. I’ll give you the story from beginning to end and you then let me know when that ‘crazy’ bell goes off for you.

1. In 2004, 25-year-old Andre Thomas, estranged husband and father with drug and alcohol problems as well as a history of mental problems, murders his wife, 4-year-old son, and 13-month-old daughter.

Not yet? How about this:

1. After said murders, perpetrator rips everyone’s hearts out of their chests, puts them in his pocket, takes them home, slips them into a plastic bag, throws them out, and then proceeds to stab himself in the chest.

Getting closer? No?

1. After doing all of this, perpetrator walks into the Sherman police department (in Texas) freely reporting, in full detail, all his recent activities.

Big deal, right? There’s probably more ‘guilty conscience’ than ‘crazy’ on this one.

1. Perpetrator plucks out his right eye before his trial in 2004.

Getting interesting yet? For your information, a judge ruled that he was still competent to stand trial after doing this, so you’re not alone if you still have doubts.

1. Last week, he plucked out his left eye, leaving him completely blind.

Oh my…. Um… Well, crazy or not, how dangerous could he be at this point, right?

1. When perpetrator was asked by the prison doctor what happened to the eye he plucked out this time around, he stated that he ate it. –that’s ‘ate’ as in eaten or ingested.

Well, now I’m convinced and even the hard-liners in the Texas justice system couldn’t withstand that little display. Andre has now been transferred to a prison psychiatric facility called the Jester Unit (Jester?! As in court jester? WTF?), and he currently has no execution date.

Source:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28582204/

The Path to a Brighter World

Hey, let me ask you guys something. You know those coat-hooks you often see on toilet stall doors? Do you ever think to use them? If not, you might want to consider it. They’re actually pretty handy for –well, coats of course, but also a variety of other things. I typically don’t bring my coat with me into the stall but you could hang your purse there, your cell phone, your handheld game system –pretty much anything you use to pass the time while you sit there. You don’t want those things tumbling to the floor while you manage your subsequent ‘clean-up’ duties, right?

Our example of the day comes from a toilet stall in a Carl’s Jr. restaurant in Centerville, Utah, where a 26-year-old gentleman dropped something (of course) during his clean-up. As will typically happen, dropping things on a bathroom floor often results in things getting broken (or smeared). In this case, however, the dropped item is not the broken item. You see, our hero dropped his handgun which went off on impact and shattered the toilet.

It’s ok though, everyone’s fine. He actually had a permit to carry a concealed weapon and he suffered no injuries apart from porcelain shards which went from contact with the toilet water to being embedded in his skin.

Oh, well there was that woman in the ladies room next door who started getting chest pains when she heard the shot; she’s ok too though. Apparently her heart went all aflutter at the sound of the gunshot.

Anyway, the moral of the story is to use that coat-hook people! It could one day save your life or the lives of others! Combine that with the additional good habit of making sure your gun safety is on, and we’ll all live in a brighter utopia! (It might also help if you avoid cleaning and loading your gun to pass the time on the toilet –not that I’m flinging any accusations here. I would never do that!) In any case, live dammit! Live!

Now that we’ve reached our uplifting conclusion…. Does anyone know if he was able to flush first? -Just wondering.

Source:

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_11451417?IADID=Search-www.sltrib.com-www.sltrib.com

Friends Don’t Let Friends

Ok, when was the last time you saw a friend’s cluttered house and thought to yourself, “How do they live like this?!” Have you ever had the nerve to actually say something out loud? I usually don’t. You know how it is. I figure it’s none of my business and people are entitled to live any way they like.

You may or may not be willing to give voice to your shock and concern over this kind of an issue, but it turns out that there might be more to consider here than whether or not its any of your business. The thoughts you’re keeping to yourself could be the ones to save your friend’s life. It’s true and, as usual, I have solid, irrefutable evidence. (Yes, it is irrefutable! Don’t you know better than to argue with me?)

Last week, 77-year-old Joan Cunanne of Stockport England was found dead in her apartment. In fact, it took two days for the police to dig her out of her apartment because she died as a result of being buried by her stuff… stuff that she bought…. stuff that she bought but never opened… that is, never removed from its original packaging.

It turns out Joan was a fatally compulsive shopper. She literally had so much stuff piled so high that it tumbled down on top of her, causing injuries so severe that she was buried by it and unable to free herself.

But wait! There’s more!

Only a few days earlier, 74-year-old Gordon Stewart, also of England, was also killed by his own clutter. Gordon’s means of coping with his clutter was to evolve an elaborate network of tunnels through the clutter filling his house. I’m not kidding here, that’s really what the story says.

Well, his system broke down last week when he became lost –LOST- in his network of tunnels and apparently died of thirst when he was unable to navigate his way through the house.

These stories really don’t need much commentary so I’m just going to close with a quote from that article: “The smell from Stewart’s home stopped police officers from searching for the missing man last Friday, prompting the involvement of a specialist diving team.”

A DIVING team?

Sources:

http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/01/09/Elderly_shopaholic_killed_by_purchases/UPI-71141231552902/

http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/01/07/Man_found_dead_in_house_full_of_trash/UPI-99811231348392/

Eye Right a Sine Four Us

We Don’t Need No Stinking Badges!

 

So have you heard about this 14-year-old kid in Chicago?  I don’t know what it is about Illinois lately but they just can’t manage to stay out of national news these days.   Their latest incident is a relatively trivial one (relative to Blagojevich anyway) but it’s pretty disturbing nonetheless.

 

This kid decided he liked the idea of being a cop so he (apparently) decided to walk into his friendly neighborhood police station on Saturday and tell them he was their latest new hire.  He was promptly (and I mean promptly) assigned a partner and sent out on patrol.  The cop to whom he was assigned managed to cruise around with this kid for 5 hours without any hint of something being awry, ultimately completing his shift and returning with the kid to the station.  Apparently, as the kid was then walking around the station after the shift, someone noticed that he wasn’t wearing a ‘star’ (badge?) which was a required part of the uniform and that’s when the whole charade started to unravel.

 

There isn’t much more detail to the story than that but hopefully we’ll get a follow-up giving us the actual events and timeline on this incident.  I mean, WTF?  How does something like this happen? 

 

There are charges being filed against this kid for impersonating a police officer but what’s the point of that?  The kid is under 18 and this is therefore a nominal charge that won’t even go on his permanent record.  Besides, this kid was just being a kid.  He decided he wanted to pretend to be a cop so why not just start hanging out with them?  The kid doesn’t strike me as being any kind of real problem.  A cop (let alone a whole police station) who can’t look at appearance and behavior and tell the difference between an adult cop and 14-year-old boy –now THAT is a problem!

 

Source:

 

http://www.startribune.com/nation/38299849.html

 

Who Needs Four Horsemen to Have an Apocalypse?

 

Remember, there’s a Windows Live Version with all this and more!

 

Ok, last time I wrote a commentary, it was on a story in which the problem should have been readily apparent to those responsible for spotting it.  Well, here we go again and, believe it or not, this one’s even more obvious, and once again allowed someone to get away with illegal activity for far longer than they should have.

 

In Denmark this week, a woman walked into a bank and successfully exchanged Swedish Monopoly money –that’s right, Monopoly money from the Parker Brothers game- for real Danish money;  Seriously, I sh*t you not (in case you missed the blog’s subtitle).

 

Sure, I tried to do this when I was a kid but it never worked and I certainly never found the Blagojevich Balls to try this at a bank!  This was a 61-year-old woman who not only found the balls (gender issues not withstanding) but then she went ahead with it a second time!

 

Of course, that’s where it all went wrong.  If she had only resisted the temptation to repeat her previous success, she would still be free and about $240.00 richer.  Instead, she is now behind bars, and some hapless bank employee is now an unemployed hapless bank employee.

 

I swear if we ever see the end of the world, it’s going to be brought about by just such a conjunction of greed and stupidity.  Oi!  Constant vigilance, people!

 

Sources:

 

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/01/26/Woman_arrested_after_fake_money_exchange/UPI-68601233000572/

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banknotes_of_the_Norwegian_krone

It’s funny, sure, but is it offensive?

 

My wife was reading an article about the Mother of 6 who just had octuplets giving her a total of 14 children.  One of the readers had the following comment:

 

“It’s a vagina, not a clown car.”

posted by leftisright on Jan. 30, 09 at 9:58 PM

 

 

Source:

 

 

 

http://ww2.startribune.com/user_comments/comments.php?d=asset_comments&asset_id=38733202&section=/nation

 

 

 

http://www.startribune.com/nation/38733202.html

 

 

 

Pr0n?! Now?!

Pr0n?! Now?!

Looks like Comcast had one of those awkward moments yesterday; the kind of moment that reminds you of when your parents forgot to lock the bedroom door at a particularly… um… creative time.

With only 3 minutes left on the clock during the Super Bowl, the analog feed from Comcast to its customers in Arizona showed a surprising 30-second clip. If you watched the game, you might remember that this was around the time of the ‘turnaround touchdown’ from Pittsburgh. Well, the clip that was shown was not of the touchdown, nor was it of the game itself. It seems that the feed was somehow interrupted by a 30-second clip from ‘Club Jenna’.

I’m sure none of you out there know what Club Jenna is so I’m going to have lower my standards here to let you know what we’re talking about. Club Jenna is a show on Comcast’s adult entertainment channel –you know, the one that shows graphic material of an amorous nature- and isn’t generally included in the standard package? I believe it’s hosted by Jenna Jameson –in case that helps you place it. For that critical 30-second period, viewers got to see a guy having his pants removed by a woman, and then they got to see the guy (and all his stuff) after having his pants removed.

Of course, people are upset, as well they should be. After all, I myself was watching that game with my 11-year-old daughter and my baby nephew in the room with me. If we had seen that, I’d still be working on the damage control right now.

The article expresses the outrage of viewers with regard to the material itself, but it also includes the following paragraph:

“The Star newsroom was flooded with calls from irate viewers who said that the porn cut into the game with less than three minutes left to play, just after Arizona Cardinals player Larry Fitzgerald scored on a touchdown pass from Kurt Warner to put the team in the lead.”

You know, I’ve heard somewhere that there’s a time and a place for everything.

“There is a time for everything and season for every activity under heaven”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

http://www.azstarnet.com/sn/hourlyupdate/278448.php

Indiscreet Dealings

 

Indiscreet Dealings

Click Here for the Windows Live Version with all this and more!

So how about this guy in Cleveland yesterday with the big mouth? Have you heard about this?

The story goes that Alejandro Melendez called 911 on his cell phone because he felt that two guys with guns were stalking him. For whatever reason, he then decides to hang up on the dispatcher who is then required to call him back to follow up on the call and make sure he’s alright.

Well, when Alejandro received the call back he was actually busy, so he asked the dispatcher to hold for a moment. The dispatcher, according to procedure, still went ahead and dispatched police to the location reported by the caller. To make sure they had the right guy, the dispatcher called Alejandro back a second time after the police arrived. The police then proceeded to search Alejandro and arrest him. Why? While on hold, the dispatcher overheard Alejandro buying heroin from his drug dealer!

At least it’s comforting to know that his call for help was answered and he’ll now get his much needed public assistance in a controlled setting.

Source:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/183081

No Commentary Necessary

I’ve copied the original CNN article here.  I need do nothing more:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/02/17/china.mistress.contest/index.html

BEIJING, China (CNN) — A married Chinese businessman who could no longer afford five mistresses held a competition to decide which one to keep.  But the contest took a fatal turn when one of the women, eliminated for her looks, drove the man and the four other competitors off a cliff, Chinese media reported.

The spurned mistress died and the other passengers were injured, the reports said.

Police initially thought the car had plummeted off a mountain road in eastern China on December 6 by accident. Then they learned of the contest through a letter the dead woman had left behind, the Shanghai Daily newspaper said.

The 29-year-old woman, identified only as Yu, was a waitress when she met the businessman at a restaurant in the coastal city of Qingdao in 2000.

At the time, the businessman, identified only by his last name — Fan — was married and had four other mistresses, according to the Peninsula Metropolis Daily newspaper in Qingdao.

The women knew of one another, but none elected to break up with the man and give up their rent-free apartment and a 5,000 yuan ($730) monthly allowance, the reports said.

When the economy soured, the businessman apparently decided to let go of all but one mistress.

He staged a private talent show in May, without telling the women his intentions. An instructor from a local modeling agency judged the women on the way they looked, how they sang and how much alcohol they could hold, the Shanghai Daily said.

The judge knocked out Yu in the first round of the competition based on her looks. Angry, she decided to exact revenge by telling her lover and the four other women to accompany her on a sightseeing trip before she returned to her home province, the media reports said.

It was during the trip that Yu reportedly drove the car off the cliff.

Fan shut down his company after the crash and paid Yu’s parents 580,000 yuan ($84,744) as compensation for her death.

The four other women left him, as did his wife when she learned of the affairs.

 The businessman and his spurned mistress met in Qingdao, pictured here last August, local media report.

Bringing in the Substitution

 

In Lexington Park, Maryland this past weekend, a woman suffered a horrific injury at the hands of her lover.  No, the victim wasn’t Rhianna and the perpetrator wasn’t Chris Brown.  In fact, the injury was not the result of abuse, nor was it the result of some kind of sado-masochistic activity.  On the other hand, the injury was the result of an act of love…. I guess, anyway. 

 

The 27-year-old woman and her boyfriend were experimenting in the bedroom using a sex toy and a saber saw.  The sex toy presumably had a familiar masculine shape (although the story doesn’t specifically state that) and was affixed to the blade –that’s right, the blade- of the saber saw (otherwise known as a reciprocating saw).

 

Apparently, while using the improvised… um… super-vibrator (?), the saw blade cut through the sex toy, injuring the woman badly enough for her to need a med-evac to the nearest hospital.  She’s expected to make a full recovery.

 

While I appreciate the pleasure potential on such a device and the creative ‘jerry-rigging’ on the part of (I guess) the boyfriend, my only question is this:  Did he really have to attach it to a blade?  If you’re going to go this far, how much more time and effort could it take to figure out some replacement? 

 

I’ll see if I can maybe do my own research on this.  I trust you’ll be hearing about the results one way or another…

 

Source:

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29621224/

Don’t Read This

 

 Don’t Read This!

 Ok, so I’m checking out the news this morning and I see this story about a ‘killer SMS rumor’ going around Egypt instilling fear in the population and wreaking havoc.  For those of you who don’t know what’s meant by ‘SMS’, it’s text messaging.  

 So yes, the rumor is that a text message consisting of (don’t read this or you might die –you’ve been warned) “+[phone number]111” caused a man near Cairo to begin vomiting blood and then suffer a stroke and die…   The message is reported to have been sent ‘from unknown foreign quarters’…mysterious…..

 The rumor goes on to say that anyone who reads the message -which you almost certainly just read yourself- will get a splitting headache followed by a brain-bleed and death.

 Very cute. Oooh!  Don’t you just love urban legends?  There’s just one more detail here though.  Three workers at an oil company are being detained and interrogated for starting the rumor…

 Are you f**king kidding me?!  No, seriously, are you f**king kidding me?!  As if having substantial numbers of people in your country believe they can be killed by a text message isn’t embarrassing enough, now you’re also going to go to the time, trouble, and expense of bringing the perps to justice on this one?  Are you f**king kidding me?!

 Source:

 http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/03/26/2526411.htm

Hold On Loosely

 

 

Hold On Loosely

 

It’s an unfortunate fact of life that, as we age, different people deteriorate in different ways at different rates.  At what point should we check to see what people can or can’t handle as they continue to interact with their surroundings?  This week, we had an interesting case where even our seniors’ adaptive technology came into question.

 

During an innocent trip to church this past Sunday, 87-year old Eileen Bishop abruptly ‘zipped’ away from her husband when she lost control of her scooter/motorized wheelchair.  Her husband reached out to help but was unable to grab the scooter in time.  Nor was he able to continue the chase due to having had a triple-bypass surgery.

 

Eileen herself remembers very little of the event.  She isn’t sure how she became separated from her husband because she admits she was dozing at the time.  Even her husband’s shouts weren’t enough to rouse her since she’s suffered a bit of hearing loss.

 

Responding to reports of a wheelchair swerving erratically about on the road, the police were finally able to rescue Mrs. Bishop.  She was intercepted 5 miles from her home.

 

Police report that there appeared to be no malfunction of the scooter and perhaps the controls were simply maintained in the active position as Mrs. Bishop “held on for dear life”…

 

            Hold on loosely

            But don’t let go.

            If you cling too tightly

            You’re gonna lose control…

 

                                    -38 Special

                                    Hold On Loosely

 

Source:

 

http://www.redorbit.com/news/oddities/1666000/police_rescue_woman_on_runaway_scooter/index.html?source=r_oddities#

Colbert Gets the Runaround

 

If you’re at all familiar with Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert, you know he’s not one to go after glory and recognition.  Ok, well that’s not really true but whenever he does, he’s honest, clear, and to the point.  Ok, that doesn’t really hold water either.  He’s funny though, right?  Isn’t he funny?  Ok, let’s go with that one.

 

NASA, however, doesn’t seem to be willing to give the guy his due.  They put a poll up on their website asking people to vote on the name for the new module being sent up to the International Space Station (ISS).  For those who didn’t like any of the listed names, visitors to the site were given the option of writing in their vote.

 

Stephen saw this as a golden opportunity to have the new module named after himself and urged all of his viewers to write in his name as their vote.  Well, you guessed it, he got the most votes!

 

So, yay!  The Colbert Module (originally known as ‘node 3’) is soon to be sent up to the ISS!…  Well, actually, no.  NASA decided they weren’t going to go with ‘Colbert’ as the name because they ‘don’t typically name space hardware after living people’.  Instead they’re going with ‘Tranquility’, the 8th most popular selection in the poll (8th?!).

 

Well, you might expect Stephen to get a little miffed about all this but, NASA informed him that they are, however, sending the module up with the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill; or COLBERT for short

 

Colbert himself believes this is actually a greater honor.  He was quoted on his show as saying, “…The node is just a box for the treadmill…Nobody says ‘Hey, my mom just bought me a Nike box’.  They want the shoes that are inside…”

 

Click here to see the Colbert Report on this momentous event!

 

Sources:

 

http://www.dailytech.com/Colbet+Gets+His+Name+on+ISS+Treadmill+Instead+of+Node+3/article14863.htm

 

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/04/15/colbert.nasa/index.html?iref=newssearch

 

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/224624/april-14-2009/space-module–colbert—sunita-williams

Neglect and Remorse

Hey folks.  I got a melancholy e-mail yesterday from a reader who thought that I was done with this site.  I’ll admit right up front that it’s true that I haven’t been updating and I apologized to him accordingly.

This isn’t an excuse but the reason is that I’ve been focusing on the Windows Live version of the site because it offers more free features (and I’m a damned cheapskate) and I figured everyone by now was clicking on the link to go over there.  This person apparently couldn’t get to that site because he would only view the Bloggage at work and that version was blocked for him.  I have now brought over all of the recent written commentaries for you.

Don’t forget, however, to type bandagebloggage.com into your browswer to see the other version when you’re home.  There’s lots of cool little knick-knacks over there including oodles of my favorite youtube videos.

Sorry for the confusion and I promise to keep updating this site with the written commentary from now on.

Be Careful What You Wish For?…

 

Here’s a nice wacky story that took place last month but, for some reason, I’m just hearing about it today.  On the 14th of March, in Russia, a guy held up a beauty salon at gunpoint.  However, he was surprised by a very strange turnabout, akin to the most inspired stories ever to come out of the mind of an adult movie’s script writer.

 

The hairdresser running the salon reportedly applied her marshal arts training to great effect when she disarmed the gunman, tied him up with a hair dryer’s electrical cord, and then proceeded to gag him and handcuff him to a radiator in the back of the shop.  Pretty good so far, right?  Wait, there’s more!

 

The would-be robber was held captive while –ready for this?- his captor forced him to take Viagra and then sexually abused him multiple times over the course of the next two days.

 

When he was finally released on the 16th, the man went to a doctor for treatment of injuries he suffered to his junk.  He then subsequently went to the police to report the whole affair… -for lack of a better word.

 

The following day, his captor filed her own charges for the attempted robbery at gunpoint.

 

According to the story, the police recognize criminal violations by both parties but aren’t exactly sure where to start.

 

I sh*t you not…

 

Source:

 

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/04/15/Police-Woman-kept-robber-as-sex-slave/UPI-39771239833225/

The Slippery Slope of Cosmetic Surgery

Here’s a story from back in November that I somehow either missed or blocked out of my mind out of sheer WTF?-ness.  It was brought to my attention by a reader, Lacy, who apparently believes I have some interest in other people’s eccentricities.  I can’t imagine why she would think that, but the ‘heads up’ is nevertheless appreciated!

Let’s see what she’s found then, shall we?

At the age of 28 Hang Mioku decided for the first time that she wanted to have work done on her face.  She was apparently so thrilled with the results that she decided to build on her success.

And build she did.  After an obsession resulting in multiple plastic surgeries, Hang’s face became swollen to the point where her parents were no longer able to recognize her.  You can click here to see some pictures but they’re pretty remarkable and sad, so consider yourself warned.

Of course, the possibility that she might be suffering from a mental disorder (ya think?) was suggested to her multiple times by multiple doctors and family members at multiple points along her 20 year journey (she’s 48 now), but she was unable to resist any opportunity for continuing to change her face.  One doctor even gave her silicone and a syringe so she could do it herself.

She finally got help when she was featured on a Korean television program, after which she received enough donations from sympathetic viewers to allow her to pay for surgery to reduce the size of her face.   -Now there’s a goal people don’t pursue every day.

In case all of this doesn’t already have enough ‘car-wreck spectator’ appeal, the surgeons working to help her, removed 60 grams of muck from her face and 200 grams from her neck.  I say muck because Hang was apparently willing to improvise when she ran out of silicone.  Cooking oil seems to have been a particular favorite as a substitute.

Reportedly she now realizes her problem and wishes she could have her original face back.  Let’s hope she’s truly gotten past her hang-up.

I sh*t you not…

Source:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3439638/Cosmetic-surgery-addict-injected-cooking-oil-into-her-own-face.html

Um… Is There a Prayer Group?

Um… Is There a Prayer Group?

Have you ever experienced love with such intensity that you found it akin to a religious experience?  Well, you’re not alone.  There are plenty of people who would testify to that and one guy in Sweden actually believes it should be taken to the next level.

Now, generally speaking, I’m not much for organized religion but there are plenty of people who think it’s not a bad thing.  Carlos Babeacua certainly doesn’t.  He recently applied to have a church founded and registered in Sweden under the name The Madonna of Orgasm Church.

His application was rejected however, on the grounds that the general public, and Christians in particular, would find his combination of words rather offensive.

That criticism might not be too far off the mark when you consider the Judeo-Christian ethic of monotheism and not worshipping false idols. Carlos’ position is that he would like to encourage people to start worshipping the almighty orgasm –or should I say Orgasm- as the god of his church.

Still, comparisons to Jim Jones and Heaven’s Gate aside, you have to appreciate this guy’s willingness to be flexible with his beliefs.  According to Carlos, “The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”….

Yeah, art… In any case, he’s probably right that looking at a landscape won’t lead to ejaculation.  Whether it can give you a religious experience is debatable but, for me, a simple ‘Wow’ does not an orgasm make.

On the other hand, if he somehow turns out to be right, I’m going to be a little miffed.  My teenage years might have been a bit simpler, and perhaps not as messy, if someone would have figured this out sooner.

Source:

http://www.redorbit.com/news/oddities/1679841/swedish_court_rejects_orgasm_church/index.html?source=r_oddities#

Existential Crisis

Existential Crisis

Holy cow.  After having a slow week finding anything that inspired me enough to post an entry here, I check out the news this morning and suddenly get a flood of material causing me to question the very meaning of existence!

It started with Desmond Kelly, of Hempstead, NY who had a bad day yesterday when a traffic court judge asked him to produce his original traffic ticket.  As he was digging through his pockets looking for it, a bag of marijuana dropped out of his pocket and fell onto a court officer’s shoe.  The officer didn’t think very highly of this and promptly arrested Desmond.

Still, in the grand scheme of things, your day could always be worse.  Desmond’s misfortune is nothing compared to a Korean boss who was enjoying oral delight from his secretary when the car they were in was hit by a van.  The accident resulted in her clenching her teeth and… um… biting off his stuff.  Medical attention was promptly acquired when the private investigator observing them witnessed the accident and, seeing all the blood around the woman’s mouth, immediately called for an ambulance.

So could anyone have a worse day?  After a couple of incidents like this, one might be ready to finally end it all.  Be careful though because misfortune preys equally upon all, even the desperate.  Ask the 30-year old Russian known only as Vladimir.  When he was ready to end it all, he tried to hang himself with a rope, which wasn’t strong enough and broke.  He then found a stronger rope, but the hook in the ceiling to which he had tied the rope, was not able to support his weight.  Since hanging was proving less than successful, he decided to stab himself in the heart, -but missed his heart.   He finally got it right on the fourth attempt when he used the errant knife to slit his wrists in the bathtub.

Well, at least Vladimir did ultimately manage to end it all.  With the arrival of death finally comes peace and an end to all the humiliation, right?  You had to ask didn’t you?  Well, not if you sign your corpse away to German artist, Gunther von Hagens, who specializes in making art tableaus using corpses.  He came under fire yesterday when his depiction of sexual intercourse involved a couple of his deceased donors.

Truly, the horror never ends does it?  In the end though, I came across a final story that may give us the only answer one could hope for in all of this.  In France yesterday, 12 migrant workers were found inside a chemical tank where they were waiting to be smuggled over to England.  However, their plans went awry when the tank was chosen to be filled with sulfuric acid.  The workers came within a few seconds of dissolving into nothingness faster than a tab of Alka Seltzer.

Have a nice day.

Sources:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/05/07/Man-dropped-marijuana-bag-in-court/UPI-37781241724241/

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=646575

http://www.truthslap.com/2009/05/07/man-attempts-suicide-4-times-in-one-day-classic/

http://in.news.yahoo.com/139/20090507/882/twl-german-artist-sparks-controversy-exh.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1178009/12-illegal-immigrants-hiding-chemical-tanker–seconds-filled-acid-burned-alive.html

Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Brother?

This is one of those stories that I might otherwise label as needing no commentary, but it’s just so…  so….

Gavin Hyatt, a plumber in England, noticed a lump around his belly button some time ago.  After going to 4 doctors to have it examined, he was never able to have anyone determine its cause or nature.  Doctors speculated it might be a cyst or an ingrown hair but procedures to do additional probing kept getting cancelled or delayed.

Since I’m writing about it here, you can already guess that its true nature was actually a little more interesting.  Gavin was home last week when he experienced a pain in his belly button so severe that he thought he’d been stung or bitten by something.  As he looked down to inspect the location of the pain, he realized that a bloody mass was working its way out of his belly.

Well, this was enough to get Gavin hopping into a car and driving over to his surgeon’s office.  Probably not a bad response considering this kind of thing only happens in an Alien movie (as every story on this incident has gleefully pointed out).

Tests have now confirmed that the mass pushing its way out of Gavin’s belly was actually his unborn and deceased parasitic identical twin.  The twin had died while he and Gavin were still in the embryonic stages inside their mother’s womb.  It then fused itself into Gavin’s anatomy as Gavin himself continued to develop and ultimately reach birth.

Had enough yet?  Here’s a little epilogue for you.

Gavin states that it hasn’t yet sunk in that he could have had a twin brother.  He also feels like a little bit of a freak so he hasn’t told many people about the incident.  Well, he did tell the international media using his real name but apparently that doesn’t count.  He is now keeping the embryo in a jar at home and has named it Little Gav.

Um…. Hey Gavin, hate to break it to you but, there are some pretty good reasons why you might feel like a freak –and for most of them, you probably can’t blame your unborn twin.

Sources:

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=811967

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2420523.ece

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Ok, I feel compelled to editorialize on something here, just to clear up a few of the finer points concerning sensitivity and social skills.

Let me start by saying that if you create any kind of image where a woman has a penis drawn on her forehead, you actually qualify as the dickhead.  If that image happens to involve a central religious icon, then you also get to be an asshole.   I’m even going to get all crazy here and say that these things are so ignorantly insensitive that you’re also just a complete idiot.

Now, having said all of that, let me say one more thing before telling you what I’m talking about.  For the record, I’m an agnostic, meaning that I believe that the question of ‘God(s)’ and life beyond death can’t be answered without dying first.  This little editorial piece is not about religion, it’s about idiocy and/or being socially retarded.

Justin Sisely of Sydney, Australia is planning on making a documentary documenting the first sexual experiences of one man and one woman.  In his efforts to find just the right subjects for his documentary, he’s commissioned posters showing a statue of the Virgin Mary with a penis drawn on her forehead.

So this guy wants to film virgins having sex for the first time and decides that the best way to find volunteers is to deface a religious icon in one of the most offensive ways conceivable.

Now, I’m not one to be shocked by anything concerning religious differences, but this is just purely stupid.  This kind of gesture won’t make anyone think about their choices with respect to metaphysical questions.  So what’s the point?   Doing something like this is like walking up to a random person’s house and pouring a bucket of sawdust all over his or her front steps.  All you can reasonably expect is to do is anger and/or terrorize a person with this kind of behavior.

The bottom line is that this a complete lack of social skill at best, and a clinically anti-social, manipulative gesture at worst.  This guy has the right to say what he likes but he’s desperately in need of either real friends or some kind of psychiatric help.

Source:

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/811623/virgin-mary-penis-poster-sparks-outrage

Honey, Could You Get That?

Honey, Could You Get That?

A 32 year old divorced woman known only as Huang, was indicted in Taiwan yesterday for making an excessive number of phone calls to another woman.  The woman being called was Chiu, a married woman whom Huang believed to be interested in Huang’s current boyfriend.

Over a six month period, Huang called Chiu’s home phone, cell phone, and Chiu’s husband’s cell phone a total of 11,551 times.

With around 180 days and allowing for 6 hours of sleep each night, that gives Huang approximately 3,240 hours in which to make all of these calls. 3,240 hours adds up to 194,400 minutes.  Dividing that by 11,551 has Huang making a harassment phone call about every 17 minutes.

Did I mention that Huang is previously divorced?  Gotta wonder about that…   Just sayin’…

Source:

http://www.topnews.in/taiwan-woman-indicted-making-11551-harassment-phone-call

A Room With A View

A Room With A View

A carpenter was indicted in Taiwan yesterday for stabbing his friend, the village butcher.

The stabbing took place in 2008 but was actually prompted by an incident which took place in 2002.  At that time the butcher was discovered to be having an illicit affair with the carpenter’s wife.  Once the discovery was made known to the butcher, the butcher prudently left town.  However, the butcher was seen by the carpenter in Chung Li City six years later in 2008.  After spotting him, the carpenter returned to stab the butcher in the thigh.

After the stabbing, the butcher, known only as Lee, filed suit against the carpenter for bodily harm, after which the carpenter attempted to counter-sue for adultery.  The carpenter’s suit however was disqualified because of a 5-year statute of limitations on adultery cases.

It looks like the carpenter’s only comfort will be the porn DVD he bought in 2002 on which he discovered hidden camera footage of his wife and the butcher whooping it up in a motel room.

I sh*t you not…

Source:

http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/world-news/taiwanese-man-stabbed-pal-who-made-porn-dvd-with-his-wife_100191853.html

A Marriage Made In Heaven

Police in Cambodia have arrested a 10^th grade teacher for sending a wedding present to one of his former students earlier this month.

Since the police are involved, and I happen to have chosen this story as a topic, you can already guess we’re not talking about a toaster.  In fact, the problematic present consisted of a homemade hand grenade.

The teacher claims to have had a two-year relationship with the bride, which included gifts of cash and jewelry.  When she chose to marry another man instead, he reports feeling a little disappointed.

The bride, 21 year old Tear Sreyan denies any such relationship and was surprised to see her former teacher, 37 year old Muong Chhavry, when she was brought in to meet the suspect.  She does acknowledge having received a call from him wishing her happiness on her wedding day.  She also reports that Muong did make advances on her in the past but she had told him she was too young.

Chhavry has now admitted to sending the gift anonymously on the wedding day and could receive up to 20 years in jail if convicted.  I don’t know what Cambodian prisons are like these days, but I can’t see that spending 20 years in one is a much better fate than just sticking the grenade in your own mouth and pulling the pin.

On the other hand, a 74 year old California man, Jack Louis Sporich, who was released from a US sex-offender program, was arrested last week in Cambodia for allegedly molesting four boys.  If he’s convicted, he could get up to 3 years in a Cambodian prison.

This is after spending 9 years in a California prison for molesting children, after which he refused hospital treatment as a sexual predator.

What say we let these two share a cell together?  I figure it would give Muong the chance to be on the receiving end of some unrequited love, and Jack might then enjoy one of Muong’s tokens of affection. What do you think?

Sources:

http://www.phnompenhpost.com/index.php/2009051125808/National-news/Man-held-for-giving-grenade-at-wedding.html

http://www.phnompenhpost.com/index.php/2009050725754/National-news/Grenade-gift-shocks-B-bang-newlyweds.html

http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2009/05/13/Released-Calif-molester-in-Cambodian-jail/UPI-98531242241769/

A Word to the Wise

Today we have a little story that could serve as a life-lesson for those of us who might not be entirely clear on a few things.

A 56 year old Belgian man is being treated for severe injuries he suffered yesterday while vacationing at a resort with his Thai girlfriend.  The injury reportedly resulted from an argument which erupted when the girlfriend somehow discovered that he was cheating on her with another woman.

The injured man is unwilling to identify himself to the police and has not decided whether he will press charges for the injury.  I can’t say that I blame him, considering the circumstances and nature of the injury.

Somehow, after their argument over an affair with another woman, this gentleman managed to have his stuff end up in the most perilous of places with regard to his girlfriend’s anatomy.  I’m not suggesting anyone was justified in their actions here but, let’s face it, when feelings run high, things can get a bit unpredictable.

In this case, our hero suffered a bite wound to his stuff so severe it nearly completely severed his anatomical appendage of amusement.  In the grand scheme of problems resulting from bad judgment, I can only see this as ranking somewhere between checking the gas level in a tank using a lighter and substituting a toy for a power tool.

I can’t help but wonder if this bit of fun didn’t start with a suggestion from her.  If that’s the case (and really, don’t you think it was?) then one should always  remember to consider the source, no?

Source:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25488714-23109,00.html

Catching Up With the Past

Catching Up With the Past

Here’s another one from our friend Lacey.  If you recall, she’s the one who told us about the story of the woman obsessed with facial inflation.  With this story, I think you’ll see that her eye for interesting Bloggage fodder remains as sharp as ever.

Rachele Bromley of Nampa, Idaho has apparently been suffering from the economic rough times we’ve been having of late.  So much so, in fact, that she was driven to post an ad on Craig’s List offering ‘erotic massage’ services.

If you’ve been following the news lately, you already know that this has been all the rage so, who could blame Rachele for wanting to jump on that Craig’s List bandwagon?  Well, don’t be too quick to take that ride on the sympathy train just yet folks.

When one of the responders to her ad came a-callin’, there appears to have been some kind of communication breakdown.  Although the details are somewhat hazy, Rachele somehow came to ‘walk-in’ on her client, 40 year old Aaron Hundersmarck, while he was in the process of physically pawing Rachele’s16 year old daughter.  I know, I know…  There’s more questions here than you can shake a stick at.

Well, regardless of any other circumstances, an incident like this would be enough to have most parents contacting the police right away.  Not for Rachele; she simply shooed our villain out of the house and got on with her day.

Aaron, however, apparently saw this reaction as tantamount to ‘no harm, no foul’ and decided to give it another go.  After contacting Rachele a second time, -this time specifying that he was interested in services from Rachele’s daughter, Rachele did in fact contact the police.

So Rachele did ultimately get around to doing something right but, of course, this turns out to be too little too late.  Aaron and Rachele are both in jail now; him for -well, everything, and her for pretty much having no sense whatsoever.

Rachele’s daughter is reportedly (finally) living somewhere safe at this time.  I wouldn’t call this a happy ending, but at least it’s over.  Still, I’ve been holding back a little, in case you’re really shocked and disgusted by this story.  If you’ve had enough, please stop reading right HERE.

It turns out that Aaron Hundersmarck worked as a Deputy with the Canyon County Sheriff’s Department from 2000 to 2003.  It looks like Rachele may not be the only person in the world who’s ever had to address a previously bad judgment.

Source:

http://www.ktvb.com/news/localnews/stories/ktvbn-may1409-rachelle_bromley.2118845.html

http://www.ktvb.com/news/localnews/stories/ktvbn-may1309-hundersmarck.21853671.html

They Grow Up So Fast

They Grow Up So Fast

We all love our kids, but don’t they just drive you crazy sometimes?  You’re forever getting into arguments over all sorts of stuff.  This is usually because they’re younger than you and therefore lack the experience that might help them spot potentially dysfunctional habits.

One of the classics is the issue of cleaning the bedroom.  Parents know that all sorts of problems can abound in a chronically untidy room, but we parents have been there and can see what’s coming.

Last Thursday, Andrew Mizsak Sr. of Bedford, Ohio got into an argument with his son over this very issue.  When little Andrew Mizsak Jr. threw his plate of food across the table and shook his fists at Dad, Dad was actually forced to call 9-1-1 to have the police intervene.  Sounds pretty extreme, doesn’t it?

As rough as it sounds though, it came to a quick and hopefully happy ending.  Little Andy, who was found crying uncontrollably when the police arrived, quickly said that he would go ahead and clean his room.  He even admitted to being embarrassed by the incident and said he was sorry that the police had to be called over this issue.  It sounds like little Andy might actually grow up someday, right?

I know what you’re thinking though.  ‘If this were my kid, I wouldn’t need to be calling the police to handle this.’  Well, I agree.  We only have our daughter but we’re way beyond physical struggles around this issue.  However, whadda ya say we cut Andrew Sr. some slack here?  You see, Andrew Jr. actually weighs 270 pounds.  Oh, and Andrew Sr. is actually 63 years old while Andy Jr. is 28.  As you can see, Andrew Sr. may have had some good reasons to be afraid.

I know what you’re thinking again, and I agree even more.  This is a problem with not just little Andy, but little Andy’s parents.  Andy lives in his parents’ basement, where ‘they do everything for him, and he pays no rent’.  Andy’s parents do seem to be somewhat doting and indulgent.

True to their form, when asked if they wanted to press charges against little Andy, his parents declined saying that they didn’t want to damage his political career.  You see, Andy is currently serving on the Bedford School Board.

Sources:

Police report on the response to the 9-1-1 call.

http://www.cleveland.com/news/index.ssf/2009/05/andrew_mizsak_clean_your_room.html

Arnold Has Left the Building

Arnold Has Left the Building

Just a quick little entry here.  I came across this story while I was channel surfing just now and couldn’t resist just throwing it in the mix for today.

The Belgian body-building championship was being held in Vlissingen, Holland this weekend when, unexpectedly, the Belgian doping testers showed up to check everyone for steroid use before the competition.

Last year, when the competitors were tested, 22 out of the 29 either tested positive or refused the test.

This year, when the testers showed up, all of the contestants –every last one of them, immediately left the theater.

Source:

http://www.cbssports.com/worldsports/story/11761113

All Fired Up With No Place To Go

All Fired Up With No Place To Go

When talking to my family and friends about certain issues, I often say (and I’m sure I’m not unique in this respect) that my ability to be sympathetic to people depends on being able to relate to their chain of decisions along the way.  So often though, you come across these stories where presumably ‘non-crazy’ folks do things you could never imagine yourself doing, and you inevitably ask ‘at what point, and under what conditions, could decision ‘A’ have seemed like a fine idea?’  That’s the kind of story we have here today.

Jason Detora was enjoying an evening at Skeeter’s Pub in Blenheim, NJ this past Saturday night.  He enjoyed himself so much in fact that he didn’t realize how much of a bar bill he had run up.  When ‘last call’ came, he apparently found his pockets lacking the necessary funds and asked to use a ‘telephone shout-out’ to get some assistance from his girlfriend, Nicole Leadbeater.

The proprietor of the pub, surely employing due diligence, requested that the police make their own appearance.  This was around 3:00am on Sunday morning.  The police, arriving first, were able to meet Nicole as she drove into the parking lot.  While speaking to her, they noticed the smell of alcohol on her breath, decided to test her, and promptly arrested her for DUI.

Jason was brought back to the police station as a ‘courtesy’ so that he could wait there for another ride.  While waiting, he asked to use the restroom in the police station.  While using the restroom, he allegedly proceeded to defecate on the floor, write graffiti on the walls using his own feces, and then set fire to the toilet paper and paper towels.

I sh*t you not… no pun intended….

Source:

http://www.nj.com/south/index.ssf/2009/05/westville_man_charged_with_fou.html

An Omen for the Mets?‏

An Omen for the Mets?‏

Here’s one from a reader, Tom, who laments that I’ve never posted on anything having to do with sports (which isn’t strictly true by the way, Tom –click here).  He tells me there are many good stories in the sports world which would make for pretty decent Bloggage fodder.  Here then, is Tom’s most appreciated referral.  Enjoy!

Citi Field, the NY Mets’ newly built stadium, was the scene of an exciting time last Wednesday.  Yes, that was the day the Mets played against the Atlanta Braves, and the game was a close one with the Mets ultimately losing 8-7.  However, the exciting time we’re concerned with was actually had by a woman who spent most of the game in the bathroom for Section 338.

I don’t know what you’re thinking (well, I might just a little) but it probably wasn’t that.  This woman had an unfortunate accident in which she somehow lost a gold tooth in the toilet…..   Oh, you have some questions already?  Yeah, I have answers for none of those.

Well, it seems that a gold tooth is quite a prized commodity.  So much so that when the tooth fell into the toilet bowl, the woman from whose mouth it strayed reached quickly and deeply into the toilet to retrieve it.  Sadly, she did not ultimately retrieve her runaway tooth, nor was she able to retrieve her arm at first.

There’s no clear indication of how long our hero was stuck in the bathroom this way (it was apparently some time), but she did finally attract the attention of the stadium security and the stadium’s emergency medical personnel –oh, and after the story spread through the stands, quite a few of the other fans as well.  Alas however, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men… Well you get the idea.  No one was able to get her out.

In the end, the stadium management had to notify Cardoza Plumbing, the company that originally installed the new toilets.  Even so, it wasn’t a swift sprint to freedom at that point either.  The story says that it’s unclear whether or not the toilet was destroyed in the process but, according to the rumor mill to which Tom is privy, they did have to at least disassemble the entire toilet to finally grant our hero her freedom.

Oh, and a final note to Tom: technically speaking, this isn’t a sports story so let’s say you owe me another one …

Source:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/05202009/news/regionalnews/met_fan_a_potty_mouth_170125.htm

Getting to the Bottom of it All

Getting to the Bottom of it All

Chen Fuchao of South China was having a bad day on Thursday after losing over a quarter million dollars on a failed construction project.  He was destitute, depressed, and, in the opinion of at least one person, feeling rather self-indulgent.

In any case, Chen’s low opinion of himself caused him to decide to end it all.  Well, again, that could be a matter of opinion.  Chen went over to Gangzhou’s Haizhu Bridge and contemplated the proverbial ‘jump’ -for five hours.

Traffic around the bridge was held up by the police while Chen considered his fate.  It appears though, that Chen wasn’t the only one having a bad day.  Lai Jiansheng was one of the people sitting in traffic and has reportedly been involved with such jumpers before.  Seeing Chen’s pain, he talked to the police and convinced them to allow him to try and talk Chen down.

Lai was allowed to go up to Chen, greeted him, asked him why he was contemplating suicide, shook his hand, and then pushed him off the bridge.

This bridge being a particularly popular spot for suicide jumpers who don’t jump, the rescue workers had plenty of time and equipment to set up for such an event.  Chen fell into a cushion that had been inflated below him but still suffered a fractured elbow and damage to his spine.

When I say popular, I’m not exaggerating.  Since April 1, twelve people have threatened to jump from this very bridge with none of them, not a single one, actually having done it.

Lai, apparently quite proud of being the reason for the first real jumper in 12, saluted the crowd as he sat on the bridge.  However, Lai was then arrested by the police and, after having waited in traffic for five hours, was still not able to proceed to the hospital to pick up the medication for his mental illness.

Source:

http://chinadigitaltimes.net/china-news/main/translation/

A Shot in the Dark

A Shot in the Dark

Lukas Neuhardt of Saarbruecken, Germany suffered an unfortunate injury last week when he accidentally forgot to set the safety on his pistol.  If I were speaking metaphorically, you might think I was going to talk about an unplanned pregnancy here.  However, there’s actually nothing metaphorical about this story.

Lukas was apparently hanging around with some friends and –well you know how guys can be with their friends.  All the bravado comes out, they start waving their guns around, and someone’s mother inevitably comes out of the woodwork to say things like ‘you’ll shoot your eye out!’ or ‘it’s all fun and games until someone…’  Well, you’ve heard it all before.

So it was with Lukas.  The guys needed to be impressed; the gun came out but then, uncharacteristically went back into Lukas’ pocket.  There, Lukas –surely with great bravado since he thought the safety was engaged, proceeded to ‘point and shoot’!  The gun unexpectedly and unfortunately discharged into his pants and Lukas lost his…  well not his eye.

Luckily, it’s reported that doctors have been able to patch up Lukas’ love gun and he should eventually recover.

Of course, with a story like this, we always like adding a little insult to injury.  Germany recently instituted very tough anti-gun laws and Lukas is now charged with being in violation of these.  He faces 3 years in jail for concealing, then brandishing, and then discharging his gun in public.

Source:

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3331974.html

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

Have you heard about Lisa Healey and Michael Dent over in England?  If you haven’t, here’s a love story that’s sure to bring out your deepest feelings.

Lisa and Michael were guests of the English prison system.  However, in spite of their incarcerations, and serving sentences in separate prisons, they managed to fall in love.

Michael was speaking at a forum where he was asked to discuss issues of jail reform with politicians and civil servants.  At this forum, Lisa was one among many female inmates who were given the job of basically waiting tables and serving drinks.  While the waitresses were standing outside during one of their breaks, Michael spotted Lisa and noticed she had a ‘certain glow about her’.

After this forum, Michael continued to see Lisa by driving his car to her prison, picking her up there, and taking her to a two-star hotel for some fun.  It’s ok, there were no jailbreaks here.  You see, Michael was allowed to have a car at his prison and, at hers, Lisa was allowed day trips into town.

As will often happen when a young couple repeatedly spends time together at a hotel, Lisa eventually became pregnant.  When Lisa discovered this, she became a bit concerned that her pregnancy would adversely affect her chances at parole.  Not to worry though, she was quickly reassured that being pregnant would be just fine with her parole board.

Lisa gave birth to a baby girl last month and Michael has now been released from his prison.  Unfortunately however, it turns out that Lisa decided to dump Michael once the baby was born.  Alas, this heart-warming story about two lovers overcoming the obstacles separating them turns out to have a melancholy ending.  Perhaps they’ll reconcile in the future.  Don’t you hope so?  With all that freedom they’re sure to be just a harmless pair of pranksters who are actually quite lovable.

So what exactly were they ‘in for’ as the saying goes?  Well, Michael was serving 4 years for being caught with marijuana.  Lisa, on the other hand, is serving a life sentence for a crime she committed as a teenager.  You see, when she was 15, Lisa and a friend murdered a 71 year old woman after torturing her for 48 hours.

Something tells me that if I were sitting on the parole board, Lisa’s pregnancy might not affect my decision either.

Source:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1187151/Killer-serving-life-baby-man-jail.html#

Turning Over a New Leaf

Turning Over a New Leaf

JoAnn Watson, a councilwoman in Detroit, has been saving a lot of money lately.  In these tough economic times, that’s really a great thing.  The savings was a personal one but you know how it goes; think globally, act locally, right?

The savings consisted of an incorrect tax assessment on her home.  She’s been paying around $50-$70 a year for the last 9 years based on the year 1999 when her plot of land was assessed as a vacant lot.  She’s been living there in a two-story single family Tudor.

I wonder how many of us would speak up and say ‘Hey! Excuse me!  I need to be charged more on my property taxes!’  I know for sure that out here in New Jersey, there wouldn’t be a whole lot of us blowing that whistle.  Still, this is a councilwoman we’re talking about and one of her responsibilities is to do all she can to maximize the city’s revenue stream.

To throw a little more spice into the story, it’s reported that JoAnn has in fact been complaining that the city was low-balling people’s tax bills and should actually be charging more.

So JoAnn is paying less than $70 per year on property taxes for a number of years but, during that time she is diligently alerting the public to the shortfalls in revenue, and implying that others are not paying enough.

Although she admits to doing her own taxes, she claims to have been unaware that she was paying the incorrect amount in annual property taxes.  OK, so now she knows.  All can be set to rights and JoAnn can go ahead and help out the city by paying back all those missed taxes.  There’s a nice happy ending in the works here, isn’t there?

However, JoAnn has now stated that she believes the real problem to be that her neighbors have paid far too much in property taxes and:  “As their elected representative, I’m demanding that the city repay these overcharges immediately.”

I sh*t you not.

Sources:

http://www.redorbit.com/news/oddities/1695076/councilwomans_home_assessed_as_empty_lot/index.html?source=r_oddities

http://www.freep.com/article/20090526/NEWS01/90526092/Detroit+can+t+make+Watson+pay+all+back+taxes

The No-Lose Scenario

The No-Lose Scenario

Last month, you probably heard about Sean Hannity offering to experience waterboarding for charity, and you’ve probably heard that Keith Olbermann is willing to pay him $1000 for every second he endures it.  What do you think of that whole thing?

Sure, there’s a lot of political posturing going on with that, and there’s certainly a bit of ratings and overall TV competition going on but, by all indications, there’s also real money on the table.  Not only is it real money, but it’s money that will be going to benefit the families of U.S. Troops.

So far, there’s been no response from Hannity (that I’ve heard of) but now this week I’ve heard (thanks to our friend, Lacey, again) that a State Rep. from Rhode Island is offering to pay $100 per second of waterboarding to George Bush, Condoleeza Rice, and Dick Cheney, with the money going to whatever charity they like.  The only responder to this offer so far has been Condoleeza Rice who discreetly declined.

I can’t say that the lack of takers on these proposals is at all surprising but I have to say that, to me, it’s disappointing, and nothing short of a tragically missed opportunity.  As I said, there’s some good money on the table here.  The money’s going to an excellent cause, so why not just suck it up and take it, guys?  Seriously.

You all might think I’m being facetious on this but, actually, that’s not at all the case.  Think about it for a second.  Everyone agrees that waterboarding doesn’t leave any physical scarring, and does no long-standing physical damage.  If the people being waterboarded aren’t able to endure it for very long, then it’s demonstrated to be a persuasive method of coercion.  This would then show that it might actually work to get very critical information out of very dangerous people.  –And a little money goes to the families

If, on the other hand, the people being waterboarded find it unpleasant but are nevertheless able to endure it, then it supports the claim that it’s actually not torture.  This claim usually cites the fact that our own troops are subjected to it during training.  Now the people doing the talking can show that the claim actually holds water… so to speak.  –And a lot more money goes to the families.

So you see where I’m going with this?  It’s one of those rare circumstances where everyone wins to varying degrees.  As far as I can tell, the Conservative camp actually has the most to gain here.  They get to show, with either outcome, that waterboarding is what they claim it to be.  They also get to exhibit courage and fortitude as they earn money –serious money, mind you- for an excellent cause that they would fully endorse.

In closing, all I can say is that no one’s offering me any money to try this and I come cheap.  Hell, for charity I’d be willing to go for $10 per second.  Any takers?  I’d consider haggling…

Sources:

http://www.thewesterlysun.com/articles/2009/05/21/news/local/doc4a1549574e744954986518.txt

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/28/hannity-waterboard-offer-_n_192578.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-mitchell/mother-of-us-marine-water_b_203902.html

On the Virtues of Combat Armor

On the Virtues of Combat Armor

Ok, here’s one that has been written about quite a bit in the last few days, but I could hardly decline to put in my own two cents, you know?

In case you haven’t heard, Desmond Hatchett is a 29-year old gentleman from Tennessee who’s gotten quite a bit of attention from the media in the last few days.  At the age of 29, this passionate progenitor has managed to procreate prolifically enough to produce his own posse.  This adventurous young rogue has managed to produce 21 children with 11 different women.

Clearly, this is a guy who’s lacking some education –specifically (and most crucially) of the sexual variety.

That said, Desmond claims to be a good father.  He insists that he knows the names, birthdays, and ages of each of his children.  I guess Desmond likes to –you know- ‘keep it simple’ when it comes to words with some subtlety to them –like the term ‘good father’ for instance.

Let’s take a closer look on his behalf then, shall we?  Ok, let’s see…  He’s employed (in a minimum wage job), he’s lovable (or was at some point for at least 11 women), he’s paying child support (at $2 per month per mother), and he’s not in prison –oh wait, he just violated probation for a convicted felony so he’s actually on his way.

Hmm….  Perhaps we should just move on here.

What about the women?  Was this guy truly incapable of finding any woman who couldn’t resist making this loser her ‘baby-daddy’?  WTF?  Seriously, WTF?  With a minimum wage job, and a criminal record, I doubt he could even begin to fake being anyone whose baby these women would want to have, so WTF?!

I guess we all have our intellectual shortcomings.  Desmond, for example, has trouble with the meaning of fatherhood.  I, on the other hand, have trouble understanding 12 losers wanting to engage in genital jousting without the benefit of latex.

Oi….

Sources:

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/weird/Prolific-Papa-Packed-off-to-Prison.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5404674/Desmond-Hatchett-fathers-21-children-by-11-women-before-turning-30.html

http://bossip.com/116114/smh-forget-octomom-desmond-drop-a-seed-hatchet-is-29-years-old-with-21-kids/

No Man Left Behind

No Man Left Behind

Ah the folly of young love.  Remember your own days of being the eager young space cadet of passion?  Our old friend Lacy remembers, and she sent me a little ‘warm fuzzy’ to pass on to remind us.  Let us then sigh and reminisce and as we hearken back to those blissful and reckless days of our youth.

Aquilla Wilson and Victoria Thorp were in love.  As we saw in my recent post ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’, there is very little that can manage to keep devoted lovers apart for very long.  So it was with our two young heroes.  They were not to be kept apart by any barriers the proverbial ‘Man’ might place between them.  Also like our heroes in the aforementioned post, the barrier in question was a component of a penal system; in this case, the American one.

Aquilla was convicted of possessing and selling drugs some time ago and was (note the use of the past tense here) serving some time at a minimum security state facility.  Victoria was determined to stand by her man, as the saying goes, so when Aquilla was sent to spend the night at a work release center, he and Victoria arranged an illicit visit together at 3am- just your typical teenage prank, of course.  After all, Aquilla and Victoria are 18 and 19 years old respectively.  This is surely nothing to get terribly worked up over.

Well, as you might expect, our two amorous amigos were summarily discovered in their ‘tryst’ (as the story puts it).  But, what’s this now?!  What happens next would seem to belie the very undying affection these two were trying to enjoy!  You see, Victoria had apparently crawled in through an unbarred window to join Aquilla.  When they were discovered, Aquilla then used this same window to escape and desert Victoria, making him a fugitive and leaving her to be arrested for aiding a fugitive.

What will happen now in our next episode?  Will they both become fugitives?  Will they both become convicts?  Will Aquilla ever be able to enjoy his freedom (or lack thereof) with no Victoria by his side?  (I’d say it’s possible.)  Only time (or Lacy) will tell…

Source:

http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090422/ARTICLES/904229953/1002?Title=Woman-breaks-into-prison-for-tryst

Weeding Out The Rebels

Weeding Out the Rebels

A 17 year old student at Peninsula High School in Gig Harbor, Washington made quite an impression this past Tuesday morning.  He was chosen to be one of the students known as The Rhetoric Rebels, a group that’s given the task of presenting powerful essays to the rest of that grade throughout the school.

Each month, these students stand up in front of 150 other students, presenting essays composed earlier in the month, but to which they had not yet composed an ending.  I suppose the idea is that when they actually make their presentations, the endings will be a wonderful surprise for all, including the teachers who helped them with their preliminary drafts.

Our student is a particularly clever young master, sporting a grade point average of 3.7.  His topic was on the legalization of marijuana, and our budding young docent delivered a lecture extolling the virtues of such legalization.  Since the primary purpose of this exercise is to exhibit one’s skills in rhetoric, prose, and perhaps debate, so far so good.

The problem arose when, at the conclusion of his essay, on the auditorium stage, the young man pulled out a marijuana cigarette (I understand the vernacular for such contraband is a ‘joint’), lit it, smoked it, and proceeded to eat the residual ‘roach’ when it had become too short to handle.

Well, let’s face it, with a finale like this, if he’d chosen to discourse on something legal, it really wouldn’t have had quite the same punch, now would it?  I imagine the look on your face signifies your agreement.

Sources:

http://www.kirotv.com/news/19634608/detail.html

http://blogs.thenewstribune.com/crime/2009/06/02/peninsula_student_arrested_after_alleged

The Stepford Wives Got Nothin’ on Herbie

The Stepford Wives Got Nothin’ on Herbie

Here’s one I’ve actually been working on for a couple of days.  Without getting too disturbing with the content, I try to get the most interesting and remarkable (and funny –let’s not forget funny) material I can find.  When I came across this story, I knew I couldn’t simply let it pass, but I honestly wasn’t exactly sure where to start or how to structure the entry.  In the end, I decided this confession would be as a good a way to open as any.  Hope you like the story.

Edward Smith was recently the subject of a documentary aired on English television.  He’s from Washington State here in the US and he’s a lot like the average guy.  Edward collects cars and really loves and enjoys them.

Also like the average guy, Edward has a tendency to love and enjoy cars he doesn’t own.  Well, we can’t all own every car we admire, right?  Edward’s appreciation isn’t limited to simply cars, of course.  He enjoys many kinds of vehicles, especially helicopters.

Perhaps less like the average guy –particularly one who’s into cars-, Edward’s last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago.  Edward is not gay, he simply reports that he’s not attracted to women or men, -just cars… and some helicopters…

Edward is what’s referred to as a mechaphiliac.  That is, he enjoys engaging in sexual activities with cars and other machines.  He supposedly ‘fell in love’ –meaning he had sex- with his first car at the age of 15.  He also reports that he will literally pull over to the side of the road when he sees a lonely, lovely car and give it a little attention.

The article actually includes a slide show of Edward exhibiting his affection for these machines.  The very first of these pictures shows Edward licking the back side of a car while fondling its tail pipe.  No, I’m not joshing you even a little bit here.

You don’t need to feel bad for Edward, he doesn’t say that he’s lonely and he’s not asking for anyone’s sympathy.  In fact, he insists that he’s not hurting anyone (Really?!  What about the person who discovers the residual sticky mess he surely leaves behind?) and he’s not alone.  Edward is actually part of a global community of 500 people who prefer this type of ‘love’.

Go ahead and read the article.  It’s quite interesting and includes specific examples of the ‘affairs’ he’s had with different vehicles over the years, including the helicopter from the TV show, Airwolf.

Finished reading?  OK, let me indulge in a little editorial now, if I may.

Can we all just get a grip, for crying out loud?  This is a story which, like many others, decides to go ahead and redefine the English vocabulary for the sake of sensationalism.  Certainly it’s a crazy-ass story –there’s no denying that- but there’s no ‘love’ going on here anymore than I ever loved a particularly attractive piece of paper at the center of Playboy magazine.  Loving someone or something the way this guy claims to love his cars implies that there’s some love coming from the other end.  This guy has a rather simple relationship with his machines.  Oh!  There I go redefining words myself.  There’s no relationship at all going on here.

For that matter, I think this guy’s cutesy little fetish is a great deal farther removed.  I love my wife but while I may be able to influence my wife’s behaviors and decisions, I have nothing approaching absolute control over her.  Likewise, my research shows that I can’t make a piece of paper do diddly-squat.  This guy on the other hand is supposedly ‘in love’ with things that are ultimately nothing more than extensions of himself.  At the end of the day, this guy can get in and have these objects of his affection react to his every whim with complete predictability.  I hate to say it, but I have the same degree of control over my hand and its 5 fingers.  I like my wife a bit more.

I won’t carry on any farther with this except to say that I’ll support this guy’s right to enjoy his fantasies, but that’s all they are.  Edward, if I ever catch you fantasizing with my car, I’ll treat you the way I did when I caught my best friend enjoying my Playboys.  He never messed with my stuff again.

Sources:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-having-sex-with-1000-cars.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2001236/The-man-who-has-sex-with-cars.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1188650/Thousands-marauding-caterpillars-trap-car-silky-web.html

Revisionist Theology

Hey all.  It’s a beautiful Sunday morning and as I was looking through the news, I came across a story that reminds me of those golden days of my youth.

I’ve mentioned it before but, in case you weren’t aware,  I’m agnostic, meaning I find it necessary to die in order to answer the question of what happens after death.  However, I have a Christian past -specifically Catholic- and back in my younger days, I was actually quite devout.  Were it not for that background, I might not presume to write on this story but, as it is, I might have an observation or two.

Ken Pagano is an American.  Most people in this country would probably consider him the ideal American.  Ken is a former US Marine and is currently serving as the Pastor of New Bethel Church in Louisville, Kentucky.  He’s a military man, a man of God, and a proponent of the second amendment to the Constitution.  That’s the one that gives people the right to bear arms.

Ken feels so confident of his convictions that he’s encouraging his parishioners to bring their guns to church and wear them on the 5th of July, as a celebration of America’s Independence Day.  The guns would have to be kept unloaded and there would be security to make sure.  The story concludes with Marian McClure Taylor, the Executive Director of the Kentucky Council of Churches, saying that while the church promotes peace, it does allow for “arms to be taken up under certain conditions.” -like this one, I suppose.

Here’s where my observation comes in.  The story doesn’t specify the denomination of the church involved (although it does refer to Ken as a ‘priest’) but, as I remember it, church services in Christianity are centered around things like the Last Supper, the Crucifixion, the Resurrection, etc.  I can’t help but point out that, when it came to weapons, there were certainly people there who were carrying them.  However my general impression is that it was mostly the Roman soldiers -you know, the ones doing the arresting, the crucifying, and the guarding of the tomb.

Just sayin’…

Update:  Looks like either a new date has been added or the original date has been changed to June 27th.

Source:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5448142/Priest-invites-parishioners-to-bring-guns-to-church-to-celebrate-Independence-Day.html

Update:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=7759358&page=1

The Young Pessimist

I’ve got a little change of pace here today.  My normal tendency is to write on stuff that’s remarkable either because of poor decision making or bad luck.  Today, we have a story that’s (dare I say it?) inspirational.

Moshe Kai Cavalin is a an 11 year old boy with some pretty lofty, yet typical, ambitions.  Like any kid his age there are all kinds of things he’d like to do when he ‘grows up’.  Among them we have things like being a movie star, competing in the Olympics, writing his own book, and generally saving the world.

Perhaps rather unlike the typical 11 year old, Moshe says that he’d prefer not to spend his time playing video games.  He feels that they don’t do anything to help the world and are generally a waste of time.  He prefers to spend his time practicing martial arts, reading, and maybe doing a little scuba diving or playing piano.

Getting back to the ‘typical’ side of Moshe, he’s also very interested in things like black holes, wormholes, and other fascinating ‘space stuff’; stuff that many of us only learn about through science fiction.  Moshe, however, isn’t into science fiction at all.  Moshe is into science facts.

Moshe is a child prodigy who began college at the age of 8.  He has now graduated at the tender young age of 11.  Not only has he managed this amazing feat, but he has done so with a degree in astrophysics.  We’re not done yet.  Moshe has completed his degree with a GPA of 4.0

For Moshe, doing something like figuring out a wormhole is all part of pursuing his ambitions.  As for his other goals, he has already won numerous medals in martial arts, and is currently working on a book intended to teach kids how to learn.

So his book is on teaching kids how to learn.  How’s that for being a child prodigy?  At the age of 11, it appears Moshe has already figured out that most adults are a hopeless cause when it comes to his book.

Oh well, so much for the eternal optimist.

Sources:

http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/news/strange/Boy_11_graduates_from_college

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,525254,00.html

Clothes Make the Man

Robert and Catharine Pierce are complaining about their landlord.  They believe they are being subjected to discrimination because of the way they choose to do their gardening.  Robert is 58 years old and his lovely wife is 51.  They rent a house together on a picturesque street corner in Boulder, Colorado and enjoy keeping a well-groomed garden in their front yard.

Their landlord however is complaining that this fine, middle-aged couple is doing their gardening within visual range of a school, some community gardens, and the general flow of traffic.  The community has voiced its concern as well and feels that the Pierces should buy their own house and do their gardening behind a boarded fence.

The issue of discrimination becomes more heated when you consider that, as it might already appear, there’s nothing illegal about the Pierces gardening their front yard.  For that matter, the typical community would greatly welcome tenants helping to beautify the neighborhood.

Alas, beauty is in the eye of the beholder –and the devil is in the details.

The community and landlord are not taking issue with the garden itself, but with the beauty of those tending the garden.  They feel that the Pierces’ gardening attire leaves something –well, a lot of something- to be desired.  You see, the Pierces insist on using thongs and pasties as their gardening ensemble.  Catharine dons the pasties along with a thong while Robert prefers to sport just a thong.

Since their genitals are actually (and the only thing) covered, it turns out that they are in fact working within the parameters of decency as defined by the law.  On the other hand, since gardening involves a lot of bending over (and among other things, we’re talking about a 58 year old man), the community feels that the beauty in the neighborhood is not quite what it could be.

All I can say is that, for my part, everything else could be the picture of pastoral perfection but once I noticed it, that string up Robert’s butt would be about the only thing burning into my retinas.

Sorry guys.  Fail.

Sources:

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

Mark Twain
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

http://www.dailycamera.com/news/2009/jun/06/boulder-nudists-naked-gardening-nuisance-pierce/

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/253.html

Four-Wheeling in the Mystery Machine

I have so much admiration for people who are active in the community, don’t you?  We have different people who walk around my office talking about how they coach little league, or junior football, or volunteer as a scout leader.  I always listen to those people and think about their devotion to the future of our nation’s youth.  It warms the cockles of my heart, it does.

Except today.  Today I suffer from comparatively cool cockles.  Why?  I’m a little disillusioned with a particular community volunteer.

George Spady Jr. of Arlington, Washington seems to have had a somewhat narrower outlook when it comes to guiding the flower of the next generation.  He’s a little league coach who reportedly decided to take 3 of his players (one of whom is his son) for some ‘four-wheeling’.

The problems started when George somehow overlooked the ‘No Trespassing’ signs that were posted on the property he chose for this activity.  Then, when he noticed a vacant shop on this property, he somehow missed the ‘No Trespassing’ signs on the shop and in its driveway.

Things got worse when Spady went into the shop with two of the three boys and decided to loot some light fixtures and other assorted knick-knacks.  Spady claims that the door was unlocked and they were able to simply walk in.  However, one of the boys has told a conflicting story, reporting that Spady had his son crawl into the shop through a vent.  Spady himself doesn’t remember this particular part.  He’s not denying it; he simply has no recollection of it.

Spady would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids…  Ok, they weren’t really meddling but who could resist throwing that line in?  In any case, the whole scheme fell apart when one of the boys told his parents about their little adventure.

Spady has apologetically turned over many of the stolen items to the police and is being charged with 2^nd degree burglary.  There’s no information on whether the informant got any Scooby Snacks for telling his story.

Source:

http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20090609/NEWS01/706099933

Did You Say Something?

The University of North Carolina has an associate professor, Penny Gordon-Larsen, who’s been doing some ground-breaking research lately.  If you haven’t heard about this study then listen up because this research could forever change the way you look at marriage.

In case you weren’t aware, marriage brings significant changes into your life.  Ok, you probably already knew that much, but how about this; did you know that marriage is associated with less cigarette smoking and overall lower mortality?  Not bad so far, right?  Well, there’s more!

The study showed that the longer people live together or are married to each other, the more likely they are to become overweight!  No, really!  I sh*t you not!  OK, let me give you a chance to catch your breath for a second.  I know that’s a lot of shock to take in at once.

Ok, easy now, ready for the details?  The study shows that people with a long-term partner have a strong tendency to gain weight faster than people of the same age who are single.  You know all those people trying to attract a mate, going out to dance clubs, playing sports with their friends, spending hours obsessing over the smallest detail of their appearance?  Those people actually tend to be slower in putting on the pounds!

I know this study is truly rocking your world so let me shift gears a little to give the dizziness a chance to pass.

I don’t know if Penny’s married but something tells me that the hyphen in her name is either handed down from her parents or she herself is very recently married.  Why do I think that?  Well, she suggests that her study could provide young couples with an opportunity to recognize this likely future trend in their relationship.  This would then allow them to use their positive communication to influence one another’s behavior as they try to avoid putting on the pounds.

Well, I hate to break it to you, Penny, but I’ve been married for 15 years.  According to my data, a married couple’s abili ty to influence each other’s behavior decreases proportionally over time with the weight gained, leaving both of you fat and defiant in the end.  Let me draw you a picture:

Now, admittedly this is just a ballpark estimate but I’ll leave it to you to check my figures.  In any case, good luck with your optimism!

Oh and about those research grants from UNC, I’ve formulated a hypothesis stating that being thirsty actually makes you drink more water.  Do you have a contact number handy?

Source:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5507729/Getting-married-or-moving-in-with-a-partner-will-make-you-fat-new-research-shows..html

E3 and Me Would Be a Travesty

For all the gaming I do, I know I’d be just as easily pwned as this guy if I ever showed up at E3.  Why must I always be caught between worlds?

A Poll? Like a Political Poll? A Popularity Poll? What Poll?

I… I couldn’t resist…  I’m not proud, but there it is…

How Can You Stand For This?

Ok, I loved the flag day video so much, I had to go to clipcritics.com and check them out.  Little did I know what I was in for…

The 30-Minute Guarantee

The 30-Minute Guarantee

When you read fictional crime stories, the criminals always seem to have complex plans that are both subtle and far-reaching.  Yet, when I read the news, I see so many of the proverbial ‘stupid criminal’ stories.  Why is that?

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not in law enforcement myself but I believe those guys definitely have one of the hardest jobs in our world.  It’s just that somebody needs to do a little ‘Public Relations’ work here.  Some stories shouldn’t get it into the news because they make it seem like we’re paying top dollar prices for bargain basement detective work.  Take this story for example…

This past Sunday Morning, 33 year old Billy Floyd Norris of Hanceville, Alabama woke to find that he’d been robbed by his roommates –or at least, that’s how he saw it.  The story doesn’t elaborate on why, but Billy was convinced enough to have the police come by and take a look.

The responding officers did take a look around but report that they weren’t able to figure out what had been robbed.  Then again, this might have been due more to distraction than anything else.  The reason for this is that they quickly ‘discovered’ that Billy and his alleged friends had a working meth lab set up in the house.  Billy also told the police that they had just been up all night producing the stuff.  For that matter, the lab was still cooking meth when the officers responded to Billy’s call.

As you can see, the word ‘discovered’ is being somewhat loosely applied here.  The story actually states that “during the course of the investigation of the alleged robbery, Norris told officers there was a meth lab at the location.”

You can read the story itself for the rest of the details but my point here is that while this story might have some entertainment value, it also illustrates two things:  1) It seems to show that the allegation of robbery was more or less ignored, and 2) it also shows that apprehending this particular criminal didn’t require any real work.  Billy arranged for his arrest as easily as if he was ordering a pizza.  He provided the police with everything from notification to hard evidence to an admission of guilt.

I just can’t help but feel like there should be a special low-budget task force for this kind of stuff: something like the ‘low end’ version of a SWAT team.  We could maybe call them the Come And Get Everything team -or CAGE team for short.  They would then be required to have the criminal behind bars within 30 minutes or there would be no charge to the taxpayers.  What do you think?

Source:

http://www.cullmantimes.com/local/local_story_165153640.html

Everyone Remember to Look Your Best On Picture Day!

Everyone Remember to Look Your Best On Picture Day!

Here’s a story from last week that somehow escaped my notice.  Even if I had noticed it, I’m not sure I would have been able to figure out a good write up any sooner.  This story is about one of those incidents that are such a wacky combination of tragedy, humor, hypocrisy, and injustice that it’s hard to even know where to start.

To make matters worse, as you can see from my list of characteristics, this issue seems more sad than funny, even to me.  Still, there is some funny.  A little of it pertains to the victim here but most of it…  Well, you’ll see.

Shifa Patel is a 28 year old woman who until recently worked at the Al Islah Muslim school for girls in England.  She no longer works there because the parents of many of the students believe that an all girl school should not have men working there.

What does this have to do with Shifa?  The story reports that some of the parents of the girls attending the school don’t believe that Shifa is a woman.  They believe that she is actually a man who was working there dressed as a Muslim woman.

A petition was recently circulated asking that Shifa provide evidence that she was a woman if she was to continue working at the school.  Much to her humiliation, this Shifa did, undergoing a medical exam to have a doctor confirm her gender.  Ok, it sucks but that settles it, right?  End of story where reasonable people are involved.

However… many parents refused to believe the results of the exam and actually assaulted the doors of the school (mob style) insisting that Shifa be dismissed.  Although the school supports Shifa, she herself has felt compelled to quit as a result of these parents’ behaviors.

Ready for my two cents?  WTF is wrong with you parents?  This is a school!  It’s a center of learning and enlightenment.  There’s no beauty contest going on here.  Religious education gets handled by unusual looking people all the time!  Have you ever looked at the average nun teaching in a Catholic school?

But here’s where you really need to hang your heads in disgrace.  There doesn’t appear to be any allegation whatsoever of inappropriate conduct.  This woman didn’t DO anything to deserve this kind of treatment.  On the other hand, you pathetic creatures worked yourselves up into this silly little frenzy to persecute a woman because you don’t like the way she looks.  I would absolutely LOVE to see pictures of each and every one of you.

Maybe we could all get together for a class picture to commemorate this wonderful triumph in human rights.  What do you think?  I’m not especially photogenic but surely that will be more than offset by all you perfect hotties.

Source:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1192528/Classroom-assistant-Muslim-girls-school-forced-job-parents-believed-man.html

What…?! This…! Is This Some Kind of…!!!

…Joke?  I’m afraid not.  Can you set the table please?  I think the tissues market is about to crash…

Sources:

http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Harvest-Collection-Semen-Based-Recipes/dp/B00262U492/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245324992&sr=8-1

http://www.cookingwithcum.com/

On the Vagaries and Vicissitudes of the Arts of Venus

On the Vagaries and Vicissitudes of the Arts of Venus

Today’s story results from a short chain of inspiration that started with yesterday’s recipe book.  That post resulted in a message from our old friend Lacy.  Now admittedly she was just letting me know that she felt a bit sick but, being the trooper that she is, she also mentioned yet another recipe book.  Since fortune favors the foolish, I, in turn, was granted a story in today’s news which perfectly complements Lacy’s reference.  Off we go then…

Last year, 27 year old Haylie Hocking met the love of her life at the garage where she was working.  She found 30 year old Jason Brake to be a romantic guy as well as a skilled, considerate lover.  Jason, in turn, seems to have been just as taken with Haylie.  Within 6 months, the two had moved in together and a couple of months after that, Jason bought an engagement ring and proposed.

So far, so good, right?  Jason loves Haylie.  Haylie loves Jason.  The future looks bright -until Haylie’s friend, Lisa, began setting up the entertainment for Haylie’s ‘hen’ party.  At that point, among advertisements for male strippers, Lisa came across Jason’s picture.  Upon further investigation, Lisa discovered a video featuring Jason as one of the stars.

When he had met Haylie, Jason claimed to be working as a personal trainer and that his job entailed going away on weekends to train select clientele.   Jason neglected to mention that he was also a movie star in several action films… for the over 21 crowd…

Well, needless to say the wedding is off.  We may not be in a position to mend Haylie’s broken heart but perhaps Lacy’s reference holds some solace.

Haylie, do you feel any urge to mash, slice, or peel select parts of Jason’s anatomy?  Well, believe it or not, there’s a book out there that will tell you the best possible way to do that.  Of course I can’t endorse any kind of human mutilation here but, if you’re willing to use a little imagination, this book is for you!  It’s a cookbook with recipes for the very best ways to prepare a meal using testicles!  You might want to check with your friends first, but maybe that ‘hen’ party doesn’t have to be cancelled after all!

I guess the only thing left to say then is… bon apetit?

Sources:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5549158/Woman-cancels-wedding-after-finding-fiance-was-porn-star.html

http://www.thefoodsection.com/appetizers/2008/10/cooking-with-ba.html

I Hope That’s Some Awesome Cheese….

I absolutely have to give a shoutout to my guildmate James, from Covenant of the Phoenix for this one.  What IS it with Europeans anyway?

Buy One Get One Free

Remember that story from last week about a guy calling the cops to say he’d been robbed by his roommates?  When the cops arrived at his house to investigate, the victim told them there was a meth lab in the house and that they’d been up all night making the stuff.  Remember that?  My issue in that story was that it didn’t seem like it took a whole lot of work to nab the bad guy and maybe there could be some kind of taxpayer discount, or rebate or some such thing.

Well, today’s story probably belongs in the ‘two-for-one’ bargain bin.

Last week, 20 year old Michael Parda of Melbourne, Florida arranged to meet a buyer who was interested in getting his hands on 2 ounces of marijuana.  In case you’re not in tune with the market these days, that much pot is apparently going for around $550.

As Michael pulled up to the buyer in his car, he took the money from the buyer, pulled out a gun, and drove off with the cash.

Well, $550 is a lot of money and 2 ounces of pot is a lot of marijuana so, as you might expect, this left the buyer feeling somewhat… mmm…  low?  It certainly couldn’t have been the high point of his day.

Anyway, since our buyer was left feeling somewhat skunked about his weed, he felt his only recourse was bringing in the Man –I mean, calling 911.

The fuzz promptly crashed the party and rolled over Michael, laying their hands on the bread, his piece, and 37 grams of smoke.

However, since the pigeon never actually got hold of the herb, there’s a chance he might not get hit with the slammer.  Then again, the Blue Meanies are checking on that and they might still manage to find a way to keep him down.  For his part, Michael says he just didn’t expect a huuka-huffer to turn whistle-blower.

What the hell is wrong with me today?

Source:

http://www.floridatoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009906190327

Crime and Etiquette

Hey, here’s how we might take a few more baby steps in the direction of that perfect Utopia that Plato always used to go on about.

27 year old John Maxwell Newall was just coming off a 4 day methamphetamine binge last week when he decided that he needed money.  He then used this assessment to justify the robbery of a gas station in Tasmania, Australia.

John started by walking up to the register at the service station and simply telling the attendant that he wanted the money.  The attendant however, pointed out that John wasn’t carrying a weapon of any kind, and explained that in order for him to feel coerced into handing over the money, the attendant really needed to feel that his life was threatened.  I’m not kidding; this is exactly how the conversation went.

John then waited a few moments until a paying customer walked in, bought an item and the attendant opened the register to complete the transaction.  At that point, John walked over to the register, reached in, and took $400 while saying that he was very sorry and had no choice.

After engaging in this unusually polite crime John then went to McDonald’s for a burger and spent the rest of the money playing the poker machines at a casino. Oh well, so much for ‘needing’ the money I guess.

Anyway, let me just interject here to say that if crime is going to be an inescapable component of society, then let’s face it, this isn’t a bad way to go, right?  I mean, sure, John got caught but that happened because he was identified on camera.  That would have worked to catch him anyway and it would have been a lot worse for him if he’d been assaultive in committing his crime, particularly with a weapon.

Anyway, Judge Alan Blow sentenced John yesterday for his ‘crime lite’, giving him 2 months on top of time he was already serving for other offenses.  Don’t you just wonder though what else would constitute a crime for this guy?

Well, you’ll probably know it if other criminals start following John’s example.  You’ll likely see trends of people stealing sugar for their afternoon tea, waiting in hiding to invite the neighbors over for dinner, or even breaking and entering to leave presents for children…

Hmm… Is it me or does that last one already ring a bell?…

Source:

http://www.themercury.com.au/article/2009/06/22/80415_indepth-scalesofjustice.html

The Future’s Growing Up in Smoke

The Future’s Growing Up in Smoke

I read a story in yesterday’s news that really just bowls me over when it comes to common sense.  I know people sometimes use the notion of ‘common sense’ a little too easily to pass judgment on others but this time, at the risk of being lumped in with the unwashed masses, I feel I’m forced to play that card.

Tong Liangliang of Tianjin, China was born with a hernia.  According to his father, Tong suffers a great deal of pain as a result and, because of his young age of only 2 years, the hernia cannot yet be treated with an operation.

This is all very tragic and Tong’s dad was of course motivated to help Tong find some way of dealing with his pain.  Most of us would probably buy some children’s aspirin or simply consult with a doctor and follow his or her instructions.  Daddy, however, decided to take another approach.  He is proud to say that he has taught Tong how to smoke cigarettes to ease his pain.

I’m sure now you’ll be just shocked to hear that the toddler has been increasing the number of cigarettes he smokes per day.  It wasn’t until he realized this that Dad found smoking to be a less than perfect solution.  Well, can you blame him?  At first glance, who could possibly foresee problems with giving a controlled substance and a pack of matches to a 2-year-old?

Tong is now smoking a pack a day and –surprise, surprise- screams and throws himself on the floor if he’s not given a cigarette when he asks for it.  Can you imagine?  A smoker who’s two years old having a tantrum?  Who would’ve thunk it?

At this point, I can only have one question for Dad:  Do you know where your matches are?

Source:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25689021-401,00.html

What If…?

What If…?

So I’m looking through the news this morning and I see this story out of Dallas, Texas that I can’t help but have a little concern over.

Yesterday, the Dallas Police arrested William Dale Crock after pulling him over while he was driving a van carrying a casket containing 100 pounds of marijuana.

The story goes that the police had been doing surveillance on a suspected drug house and then followed this van as it left the house.  According to their report, the police observed Dale not wearing a seat belt, running a red light, and making an improper lane change.  They therefore pulled him over to issue the appropriate traffic tickets.  It was then that the drug-sniffing dog they happened to have along alerted them to the presence of the pot.

That’s pretty much the whole story but let me just explain what made me frown here.

The story clearly implies that they were expecting to find something in the van.  OK, but it also makes it clear that the van was pulled over for traffic violations.  What if Dale had turned out to be an exemplary driver?

Before you ask, Driving Under the Influence (DUI) was not among the charges for which Dale was jailed so Dale could theoretically have operated entirely within the law as he drove.  What then?  Was there a backup plan for deploying the pot puppy?  I mean, with 100 lbs. of pot in the car, you would think Dale would have been highly motivated to drive carefully.  What if he had succeeded?

Luckily for us, since the police report clearly states that these violations were in fact observed, this question has been rendered academic.  Next time, however, we might not be so lucky…

Source:

http://www.valleymorningstar.com/news/dallas-54645-stop-yields.html

Passing the Buck

Hey folks.  You guys probably know by now what a big fan I am of clipcritics.com.  Well, since I’m too talentless and pathetic to come up with something funny regarding Michael Jackson’s, Farrah’s, and Ed’s deaths, I thought I would respectfully leave it in more capable hands.

Why, God? Why?

Why, God?  Why?

I don’t know if you guys have heard or not but we had yet another celebrity death over the weekend.  This time it was Billy Mays, the pitchman most famous for selling Oxi-Clean and for his recent TV show ‘Pitchmen’ which airs on the Discovery channel.  Like Michael Jackson, Billy was only 50 years old when he died.

50 is a very young age at which to ‘meet your maker’.  These days, most people are living well beyond that.  As yet, autopsies on each of these men have not revealed all the answers but there’s still no denying that these guys are tragically gone way before their time.

Meanwhile, you have other people surviving well beyond the age of 50 who really should have been dead long before, even in a world free of the fear that a stronger and more intelligent predator is going to eat you.  Ironically enough, this weekend’s news gave us two very fine examples of this ’survival of the silliest’.

The first is 54-year-old Henry Wideman who, while on a Florida bus this past Thursday, heard 60-year-old James Kiernan tell everyone he’d received a text message that Michael Jackson had just died.  Hearing this, the bus driver commented that Michael should have been arrested a long time ago, to which Kiernan objected, saying that the world had lost a great musical talent.  Wideman decided this was reason enough to pull out a knife and chase Kiernan through the bus as he wielded it.  Thankfully no one was hurt, and Wideman was soon arrested but my question is this; how does one make it to the age of 54 with a tendency to pull out knives over comments like that?

Then there’s Mieczyskaw Mil who somehow managed to make it to the advanced age of 64 -although no farther.  Mil, a resident of Pond Eddy, NY had a power line go down near his house on Friday due to a storm.  Even though the powerline, while awaiting repair, was being guarded by the local fire department, a drunken Mieczyskaw decided he needed to investigate.  Believe it or not, the firefighters actually had to chase him away from it several times before Mieczyskaw finally managed to get to the line which he then attempted to cut using an industrial saw.  He was consequently and fatally electrocuted.  Again, 64?  How does a guy like this manage to survive to be 64?

I’m not suggesting that Billy or Michael had any more right to live than these guys,… -well ok, maybe I am- but we all want to believe in divine justice or kharma or some such thing.  Why should I be any different?

Sources:

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/southflorida/story/1116401.html

http://www.buffalonews.com/nationalworld/state/story/717096.html

And the Verdict Is…

And the Verdict Is…

On this one today, I have to let you know up front that this case is still being tried in court so no verdict has been rendered and no sentence has been handed down.  Got it?  OK.  Keep an open mind here.

Dr. Jonathan Chahal was a doctor working at the Royal Liverpool Hospital in England in 2007 where he specialized in treating children in the hospital’s emergency room.  Dr. Chahal is accused of being less than prudent about his own condition when it came to rendering services to his patients.

It seems that the good Doctor was overheard on several occasions giggling loudly in a resuscitation room in the back of the ward.  Hearing the giggling, nurses would come in to investigate only to find him standing behind a blue canister with a certain characteristic ‘hiss’.  This turns out to have been Entonox, an anesthetic which includes nitrous oxide, or what is commonly referred to as ‘laughing gas’.

According to the testimony, the 33 year old doctor didn’t seem to have been very bothered by the fact that he’d been caught in a back room ‘huffing’, as the saying goes.  After being caught in the act on at least three separate occasions, he simply explained to the nurses that it made him ‘feel floaty’ and persistently invited them to try it for themselves.  Incidentally, some of them actually took him up on the offer.

I don’t know much about this stuff but the story includes the statement that one is not supposed to operate machinery within 12 hours of having used it.  Now, admittedly children aren’t strictly machinery but remember my rant on ‘common sense’ a couple of days ago?  OK, just making sure.

Since you’ve been keeping an open mind here, let me just conclude by letting you know that Dr. Chahal doesn’t deny that these things took place.  He simply didn’t see a problem with them at the time and ‘denies his fitness to practice was impaired’.  Seriously.

You may now feel free to render judgment as you see fit.

Source:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25711480-401,00.html

The Premeditated Oops!

OK I’ve got one today that’s a bit… grim.  I normally stay away from stuff like this but I couldn’t resist on this one.  I actually had to take an extra day to figure out why I should write on it and how I would do so.  Here goes nothing.

This is the sad story of David Janus and his two sons, Brian and Kevin.  Up until this past Saturday the three men shared a house in Horsham, PA along with David’s wife Patricia.  That evening, the two brothers, Brian and Kevin got into an argument over the cable bill which seems to have escalated to the point where Kevin had to leave the house for a while with his mother, Patricia.

Just to provide a little more context, arguments between 28-year-old Brian and his younger brother, Kevin were common in the household.  Additionally, the story reports that Brian had a history of mental instability.

To prepare for the discussion David went upstairs to get a rifle that Kevin kept in his bedroom.  He then proceeded to force open a locked cabinet where Kevin kept ammunition for the rifle and loaded it.

David then went to the basement to hide the gun that Brian kept down there in a room across from his bedroom.  You can probably already see a few things taking shape here.  This is a household full of adults where at least two of them kept firearms and at least three of them knew how to use them.

Before continuing, let me just tell you that this is not a story about murder.  Well, maybe a little bit of 3rd degree murder, but that’s it.

In any case, you can already see where this is going.  David took the loaded rifle down to the basement where he began a discussion with Brian which included a request to have him move out of the house.  At some point, David says that Brian began moving toward him and David’s reaction was to raise the gun and point it at Brian at which time ‘the gun went off’.

David immediately called 911 to report the incident, admitting right up front that he had shot his son…

“…though the Montgomery County District Attorney doesn’t believe the father shot his son intentionally.”

OK, this is absolutely a very sad story.  However…  I’m having a little trouble with the definition of ‘intentional’ here.  In a household that was notorious for strife and in which weapons seemed to be the order of the day, David went out of his way to deprive Brian of access to a weapon, brought a loaded weapon of his own, and then pointed the loaded weapon at Brian during an expectedly heated argument -and then the gun ‘unintentionally’ went off.  Reminds me of how I unintentionally put my shoes on in the morning.  Oops!

If you ask me, this guy needs to have someone unintentionally lose the key to his jail cell, -and isn’t the DA supposed to leave the defense arguments to the defense attorney?  WTF?!  The way this is already going, the trial is sure to be held around Brian’s grave with everyone sharing a handkerchief while singing ‘Swing Low Sweet Chariot’…

Source:

http://www.timesherald.com/articles/2009/06/30/news/doc4a49a0a42d005326229135.txt

Naked Ambition

Well, after yesterday’s story, I’m happy to say that I’ve got something a bit more light-hearted today.  I hope you like this one because, while I found it pretty funny, there are parts that just burn my butt.

David Taylor was hired by a particular design and marketing company over in England to help them with their trust issues.  Apparently he’s one of these team-building professionals and is technically considered a ‘business psychologist’.

In this particular instance, David had a brainstorm of an idea that works off of the traditional ‘Casual Friday’ idea.  He suggested that it would reveal people’s inner selves, expose their deeper issues, and honestly unveil their flaws to each other so that they could work with more trust and sincerity.

His idea was to have everyone come to work naked.

Surprisingly enough (at least to me -at first), the story reports that nearly all the staff agreed to participate, even though the excercise was entirely voluntary!  Now this may seem like an interesting idea at first glance but let me say up front that I don’t like it.  I’m 41 years old and I work in an office where the average age is around 45 or so.  I’ve seen these people with clothes on and I am NOT looking any further below the surface.

Nevertheless, the office manager in the story, 23-year-old Sam Jackson, says that she wasn’t ashamed and believes:

“We’re all beautiful, whether we’ve got big bodies or small ones.”

Hmmmm, I don’t think so.  Fail.  -But hey, that’s just my opinion, right?

OK but maybe the people in this office are all young and beautiful or especially open-minded or something.  I mean, while there were some initial inhibitions, everyone did ultimately go with it.  Different strokes for different folks?  Well, don’t go all ‘rainbow’ on me just yet.  There are a couple more details here.

Remember that the story says ‘nearly all of the staff’ agreed to go naked; nearly all that is except for one or two of the ladies (one or two?  Which was it?) who decided to wear black underwear instead.  So all of the ladies went naked except for this ‘one or two’…

Well actually…  The only woman who went naked was Sam, the office manager -and probably the one whose idea it was to hire David in the first place.

So to sum up, in an office with only 2 (or 3) women in it, all the guys and their boss agreed to come in naked for a full work day.  As you can tell, it all seems a bit awkward and disgusting to me.  On the other hand, I must admit that if I were surrounded by a bunch of middle-aged naked guys on the job, I’d probably be focusing on my work with unprecedented intensity.

Of course, Dr. David assures us that:

“It may seem weird but it works.”

I’m sure it does, David.  I gather you finalize your contracts before starting a job, yes?

Source:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5718984/Staff-strip-naked-to-improve-morale.html

The Fine Art of Felony Stupid

Sometimes I know I can seem a bit unsympathetic with my write-ups here -Ok, maybe a little more than sometimes- but, believe it or not, I do feel some degree of sympathy in many of these cases.  This is particularly true of today’s story.

Crystal Defanti is a 5th grade teacher at Isabelle Jackson Elementary school in Elk Grove California.  Based strictly on the details of this story, I would say she’s an excellent, conscientious teacher with great affection for her class and a strong sense of community spirit, as well as a sound sense of decency.

Crystal, however, had a bit of an ‘oops’ a few days ago.  In keeping with her love of the job and affection for her kids, she put together a DVD compiling video memories of the class throughout this past school year.  Satisfied with this loving tribute (albeit perhaps too easily), she sent copies of the DVD to each of the families of her students.

Unfortunately however, it turns out that Crystal’s editing skills weren’t quite up to par.  In creating the DVD, she apparently made use of a previously recorded tape which included some personal -very personal- activities.  As one of the parents described it:

“It goes from my son, straight to her on the couch,”

Ouch…  Honestly Crystal, I sincerely feel for you.  Being the decent person that she is, Crystal went ahead and made as many tearful phone calls as she could in order to recall the DVD as quickly as possible.

The school and the official authorities do acknowledge that this was a mistake and are neither pressing charges nor does it appear that Crystal will be losing her job.  A defense expert who was questioned on the legal nature of this incident probably puts it best by saying:

“It’s felony stupid, but it’s not a crime,”

…’Felony Stupid’…  Well doesn’t that just about sum up what The Bloggage is all about?  I swear if I’d managed to come up with that myself,  I’d change the subtitle on this blog right now.  I’m going to have to consider using it anyway, -maybe as a name for my goldfish.

Source:

http://cbs13.com/local/teacher.porn.dvd.2.1068250.html

I’m Startin’ With the Man in the Tree trunk… Wait… What?…

I’m Startin’ With the Man in the Tree trunk… Wait… What?…

Well, you knew it had to happen.  On a regular basis you hear about religious figures that appear in mundane places like sandwiches, rust stains, cheese snacks, etc.  I’m sure you’ve heard the stories.  Someone will look at at a random ‘ink blot’ type of phenomenon and see a person like Jesus or the Virgin Mary.

Well, Jesus and Mary are the most common but I wonder how often things like this happen and it doesn’t hit the news.  You never seem to hear stories of people who find the Buddha in a belly button or Mohammed in a tub of tabouli.  Why is that?  One reason I can think of is that the chances of a sighting like that are based on how many people you have that want to see it; i.e. the more Muslims we have, the more likely we’ll eventually see a report on that tabouli tableau.

If I’m right on that, then it stands to reason that our latest religious icon, Michael Jackson, has recently been spotted in the trunk of a tree.

OK, now don’t go all ‘burn the heretic’ on me here.  I’m not the one who’s claiming Michael Jackson is a religious figure.  The ones doing that are some of the Christians in Stockton, California (among others).

Anyway, if we apply my theory (and you have to admit that there are probably billions out there who are big on MJ), the chances of Michael Jackson appearing to a devoted fan have got to be about as good as it gets.  Why shouldn’t he choose to appear in the trunk of a tree?

In an interview with local media, the owner of the tree, Felix Garcia, was asked why it should be Michael Jackson rather than one of the normal ‘ink blot’ visitors.  For that matter why not one of our other recent dearly departed like Farrah, Ed, David, etc.  His answer was:

“…Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they’re both about even…”

Well, I’m convinced, but in case you still have any doubts let me just tell you that Felix found the image in his tree trunk on the day of Michael Jackson’s death!  Coincidence?  I think not!

Source:

http://cbs13.com/local/michael.jackson.tree.2.1072797.html

http://cbs13.com/slideshows/jesus.images.virgin.20.462733.html

http://blackmalepowermovement.forumsland.com/blackmalepowermovement-post-271.html

Oh Yeah!

Oh Yeah!

Been a busy couple of days so here’s another one from clipcritics.com.  ‘Don’t drink the Kool-Aid’ has now taken on still darker implications for me…